Discourage: verb - "to dissuade (usually followed by from)"
www.dictionary.com
Discouragement is one of those "D" words that the adversary uses to bring us down. I like to avoid this word, as well as the feelings the word describes. However, I like using the verb, discourage, when discussing the topic of dating; not to discourage dating, because when done correctly, it can be a great learning experience, but to discourage steady dating and single dating until children are no longer children.
When is that? We feel it's when they're old enough to really further a relationship towards marriage - the ultimate goal of dating. We hope to continue to dissuade from single and steady until they're at least out of high school! However, 16 is the magic number when our children can begin dating in a GROUP setting. No single dating is allowed - double dates or group dates only. This gives them the opportunity to learn about the opposite sex, but keeps them safe and protected.
How do we do this? Communication is key! Talk, talk, talk to your children - starting when they're young - about your family rules and your expectations. If they grow up knowing what is expected of them, they will be more likely to follow the guidelines. Have discussions when they come home from dances or dates. Talk about the reasons for your rules and limits. Listen to their feelings about the matter. Stand firm with your rules but be willing to compromise at times. Know when your children are going to be home and if they're not, call them or go find them. Mean what you say and say what you mean. Show enthusiasm and interest in their experiences and stories. Encourage obedience and praise them for it. Give love and more love. Frequently state, "I love you" and hug, hug, hug.
Our son has 26-days until high school graduation. Throughout his dating years thus far, he has followed the group dating rules, as well as the no steady dating rule. Because of this, he has made many friendships with beautiful girls, experienced personality differences, enjoyed fun times, made memories, and has kept himself in safe situations. We have encouraged dating in moderation but dissuaded from incessant time with girls in person or via other communication devices and discouraged steady and single dating. The result: healthy friendships and interaction.
Highlights of his Senior Year Dances:
So happy for great girls for my son to spend time with, and for an obedient son that has understood our need as parents to "discourage".
More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!
