Money Matters

The government's fiscal irresponsibility is a very frustrating thing to me. What message is this sending to our children? "Oh....we can spend whatever we want with no accountability." No! In "Real Life", you'll be in a fast financial nightmare which will negatively affect the rest of your life. My son is almost twelve, yet he understands the problem. He recently wrote a letter to our congressman as one of the requirements for the Citizenship in the Community merit badge...

Dear Congressman Matheson,

I have recently found out that the government is in a lot of debt to China. If we don’t get this resolved then we will be in big trouble if China calls in their loan. I am asking you to help the government to stop buying too many things so we can try to pay off our loan as fast as possible. I just want to know if we don’t pay our loan, what is going to happen to us as a country?

I am learning how to manage my own money. If I can’t spend more than I have, why can the government? Our leaders should be an example to the children of our country. The leaders we have aren’t doing a very good job at this.

The second thing I want to talk to you about is to get the government to reduce taxes. Many people are living on the street because they can’t pay their taxes. My family has a hard time paying our bills because we have too high of taxes. I am also asking you to help the government think about this problem and get it resolved. 

It is our responsibility as parents to teach our children about fiscal responsibility. One of the first steps is to make sure they have money to work with as they learn. But, do we just hand it over to them with "no strings attached"? I don't think so. I believe in an allowance based on hard work and responsibility. Yes, they can earn money by doing extra jobs around the house. Help them see that money comes from hard work - not from Mom's and Dad's wallet. Items are not purchased by swiping a plastic card through a machine and pressing a few buttons. 

A few weeks ago, my nine year old son asked if he could earn some extra money by doing "money jobs". Money jobs are additional tasks the children can do outside of the chores that are expected as part of a family. Sure - clean out the garage...

I love the roller blade look! Why not have fun while you're working??

I was so impressed with the job he did! Do a fabulous and thorough job and get a little tip for the extra efforts! When he got paid the next day, he got out his Stick-to-it Money Management System:

 

Earning is the first step. Don't forget the importance of giving, saving and then spending. Just like most things, start them young and see their consistency and enthusiasm shine as they grow in years and experience. Move over, Ben Bernanke. I have some children who understand fiscal responsibility.
 

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

The Family Game

Thanksgiving was amazing. So much fun with candy turkeys...

Cute candy turkeys made by my 12 year old niece!

cousins...

... and "The Family Game". This was such a fun part of the festivities! Here's how you play:
First, the more people, the better. Each person writes down a name on a slip of paper and puts it in a bowl. It can be an athlete, a famous person, a character from a movie, an author, a scripture hero, an ancestor - anybody! One person is the moderator and does not play. The moderator reads each submission one time, in a row. Listen carefully to the names because you cannot write them down. The moderator picks someone to start. That person asks, "So and so, are you so and so?" For example: "Julie (me), are you Cinderella?". I would say yes or no depending if I wrote Cinderella. If they were correct, I join that person on a team. Then, we get to collaborate and go again. If I said no, I get to guess the next person. You continue until everyone is "found out" and the team or group with the most players, wins. If you correctly guess someone who has a "family" or team with them, the whole group is added to the group who correctly guessed. The key is to write down a person that does not relate to you at all so it's difficult for them to guess you. My six year old daughter wrote down Adam Lambert and my fourteen year old guessed her immediately. My brother in law wrote down Martha Stewart and his son guessed him right away because "you were Martha Stewart last time, Dad." Lesson learned: Don't repeat your person and don't write down someone people would easily be able to guess. This was such a fun game that involved EVERYONE! We enjoyed lots of laughter and fun memories.I was Rapunzel. Sam guessed me. How did he know?

This would be fun at any birthday party, youth group, family reunion or for a party mixer or get to know you game. Try it out!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Organizational Tip

Being organized makes for a happy mother and more productive children. Our family really does thrive with organization! So, here's an organizational tip I learned from my sister. We were at her home for Thanksgiving yesterday and loved this idea:

Plastic canisters for all the supplies that never seem to have a home

So, she found these canisters at Walmart. They're plastic so no worry about breakage. Whenever a crayon, pencil, pen, scissors - whatever - is found, you know right where it goes. Art projects are easy to instigate - just bring all the canisters over to the table. I love being able to see what's in your container AND it looks pretty classy, doesn't it? The latches are pretty fun to open and close, too.

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Dedication by drawing, describing, designing

I found a great way to enhance scripture study as a family. It's a product by Doris Johnson called Book of Mormon Picture Pages. http://www.mormonlittlebooks.com/picturepages.html

You receive a CD of PDF files that correspond to verses throughout the scriptures. There's a summarized caption at the bottom and then a blank page to design a picture that relates to the verse(s). Print out a different page for each family member, and over time, you'll have a complete, illustrated copy of the Book of Mormon. It gives the family a visual reminder of the scriptures and builds creativity as well. We started our scripture pages on Monday night as part of Family Home Evening.

Thanks, Doris, for a great product!! I'm excited to build knowledge, appreciation and love for the scriptures!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Music Makes the Mood

Feeling ornery, antsy, high strung, anxious, irritable, irritated, grumpy, flustered, in a funk, annoyed or upset? Are your children whiny, high strung, irritable, grumpy, ornery, bored, frustrated or impatient? 

Solution to ornery parent and ornery child? Turn on some music!

There is something about music that soothes the soul, lifts your mood, gives hope, dissipates the grumps, calms chaos and cheers the heart. The type of music you put on can help you achieve the desired effect.

Example 1: It's bed time and the home seems out of control. Kids are running around, and Mom feels frustrated that children aren't settling down. Time to put in some calming and soothing music. We'll put on religious songs - children's primary songs and hymns. Or, put on some piano music like Jon Schmidt - love it! Try Michael Ball or the 5 Browns. The choices are endless! You can literally watch the children calm down when this soft, calming music is turned on. (My four year old is melting down right now. I need to take some of my own advice.)

Example 2: The kitchen is a mess and there is a sink full of dirty dishes that I just don't want to tackle. I try to enlist some help from the children but nobody is feeling it. Idea - turn on some peppy music to get the family moving. I love the Newsies soundtrack! That is one of the best CD's to motivate and energize. Try some of the fun acapella groups like Voice Male or Vocal Point. You'll see people dancing with the broom as they sweep, singing and foot stomping while loading the dishwasher as well as funny faces and dance moves while wiping the table and the counters. It sure makes it a lot more fun!

Example 3: The children are out of sorts. They're bored and have NOTHING to do. Turn on some music for a dance party. Clear the floor, put on some dress ups and dance to Seussical the Musical or Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. Get involved with your kids and they really have a good time. There's nothing better, in their mind, than dancing with Mom. Another plus - it gets them really tired and then they're ready for a quiet, mellow activity.

Example 4: Use some mellow music (like in #1) to set the mood for church, homeschooling, or scripture study/devotional. When kids hear the music, they know what's coming up and it encourages getting in the right frame of mind.

Put on some tunes and enjoy whatever mood your family is in need of at the moment.

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

No snow for this project

We knew the snow was going to fly on Saturday night, so we gathered the troops and got to work on weatherizing the yard and house for winter. While we were at it, we put up the Christmas lights so we wouldn't be doing it in the freezing chill of December with snow on the roof (like we've done in many years past). I know I've talked about working together many times, but it always amazes me how much is accomplished when everyone works toward a common goal. It seems that we learn something new while we're at it, too. See lesson learned, below...

"up on the housetop"

The best garland wrapper

Thinking she's big enough to climb on the roof...in your dreams, babe.

Helping with the lights on the ground

Lesson Learned: During this family work project, we learned about the importance of preparedness. When we woke up to a blanket of snow Sunday morning, many of the children exclaimed, "I'm so glad we put up our Christmas lights yesterday" or "we got the house ready just in time" or "no slipping on the icy roof this year". I felt incredibly grateful that we planned ahead and then experienced the joy of being prepared. 

Take advantage of family work projects. Boy, do you learn and accomplish a lot!!

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Prayer Chart

While I'm on the topic of sisters....I have another fabulous sister who has so many good ideas in the midst of adventures in motherhood. She does incredibly fun things with her children and is so talented at creating traditions in their home. One of her traditions is the "Prayer Chart". I have desired to establish this tradition in our home for years, but have yet to begin. Hopefully, talking about it will get me going because it is a fabulous idea!

At the beginning of each month, she prints out a blank calendar. They sit down as a family and discuss family members, friends, and neighbors that are in need of prayers. Each day of the month they put one or two people on the calendar that their family will specifically pray for in their family prayers that day. When the day comes around, they look on the calendar, discuss any needs of that person or family and include them in the family prayer.  Sometimes it's a prayer of gratitude and appreciation for the individual.

I love this concept! We have so many people that we care about but it is not possible to sincerely pray for each person every day. This keeps the needs of others strong in our minds and teaches to think not only of ourselves.

Personal Prayer - one of the pieces in the Stick-to-it School Chart

Prayer is an important part of raising happy, secure children. They learn to rely on a higher source, not just themselves. It brings humility and patience. It teaches faith and promotes gratitude. Prayer is a way for our children to serve others which brings true happiness.

Thanks, K, for your example. I think it's time to implement the Prayer Chart - especially for this season of gratitude and thanksgiving.

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Sweet and Sour

I have to credit this blog post to my amazing sister who shows so much love, kindness, gentleness, and compassion to her children. One of their traditions is at the family dinner table each night. They take turns telling each other their "sweet" and "sour" of the day. A sweet could consist of getting 100% on a math test, spending the afternoon with a friend, watching the BEST movie, or winning a football game. A sour may be slipping in the mud, getting stung by a bee, someone being mean at school, getting a C on a grammar test, or a yogurt exploding inside their lunch box. Whatever the case, it gives the opportunity to count your blessings together and mourn together. Thanks, CG, for such a great tradition. My kids came home from your house ready to talk about their sweet and sour of the day. 

Today's Sweets (I can't just mention one): 

Sending my son off on his first boy scout campout, watching my other son score 12 points in his basketball game, out to dinner (Mexican!!) with my one and only, and having a friend in the neighborhood just stop in to see how I'm doing.

Today's Sour:

Half of my children (literally) sick with strep...again. (This one is so bad that I need only mention one sour).

By the way, not only is she an amazing mother, she makes a mean sweet and sour chicken dinner! Remember your sweets and sours...

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Lessons from a Googly Eye

No matter how many times you tell your children not to do something (or to do something), sometimes they just have to do it (or not do it) and suffer the consequences to REALLY learn. I find, as a mother, that too many times I want to save my children from these consequences, but they end up missing the lesson they so need! 

My 6 year old daughter on Tuesday night: "Mom, something flew in my ear...really, I was lying in bed and I felt something go in my ear. I think it was maybe a googly eye or something." 

Great! How many times have I told her never to put anything in her nose or ear? I look in there with my otoscope (what would I do without that?), and sure enough, there's a googly eye stuck in the ear canal.

She insisted that she didn't know how it got there. (And I was born yesterday) I wouldn't let her get away with naivety nor get out of any consequences. After fifteen minutes of talking with her, she confessed to putting it in her ear. We told her that it would cost a lot of money to take her to the doctor to get it removed. 

Consequence: being scared all night with a googly eye stuck in her ear (we had to wait until morning), going to the doctor which no child likes (well, maybe to her it was exciting), suffering humiliation through the teasings of her older siblings (she didn't want to tell them - too late, I already did), and doing extra jobs around the house to help pay for the doctor's bill. Hopefully, this experience will teach her to NEVER do this again. Side note: the doctor asked us if we wanted the googly eye back for a souvenir. Are you kidding? Throw that thing away - we don't want to take any chances of it making it back in her ear.

My nine year old son: He came home last week with his report card. He was disappointed in himself because he received a B in reading. He's supposed to read twenty minutes each day and get his reading bookmark signed off by a parent. I got tired of playing reading nazi; reminding him every night, putting my foot down to DO YOUR READING NOW!!!, fighting him to do the reading routine each evening. I decided to let him govern himself and let it go. That's not my style! I believe in reminding my children about their responsibilities. They need guidance and direction and help. We all do. Sometimes, though, they need to suffer the consequence.

Consequence: Getting a B, instead of an A and feeling badly for not doing his best. The positive is he told me, "I'm going to do my reading every night so I get an A in reading next term." Yes!! I love that kind of motivation. Hopefully, it really "sticks"!

We've had our fair share of beads, BBs, lettuce and raisins up the nose. All of us can tell a story about our children making mistakes and doing dumb things. Be grateful for the lessons they learn...and then prepare for more stupid stuff down the road.

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Helpful, courteous, kind, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent

After writing yesterday about raising and training our boys, it got me thinking about an amazing program that is available to our boys in ALL areas of the United States, the Boy Scouts of America. I know many people have a negative attitude about the scouting program, but my sons have been heavily involved for the last eight years and I find that the benefits outweigh any negatives. 

I love Cub Scouts! I love the simple, age-appropriate activities and goals for these active and bright boys whom are eager to learn. I love seeing my sons work toward something and participate in a program that teaches: doing their best, service to God, Family and Community, following rules and guidelines, and expanding their talents and knowledge. Family relationships are strengthened through working and learning together. Friendships are deepened. Scouting gives an outlet for creativity, fun, productivity AND entertainment.

The Pinewood Derby through the years. They make their own car and race it. Yes, it's a lot of work but they LOVE it!

I LOVE Boy Scouts! I love the focus on the outdoors, survival and preparedness. I'm grateful they're learning to start a fire, follow a map and compass, cook without a microwave and setup a tent. Since I'm not an avid outdoorsman, I enjoy the fact that my kids can do all of these things when we go on family campouts! I love the focus on service and building character...A scout is trustworthy, loyal, courteous, kind, thrifty, clean, brave, reverent, etc. I love them working towards a goal and the feeling of success and accomplishment when they achieve it. The focus on citizenship, learning new things, and building boys is invaluable. The scouting program, in partnership with the family, prepares our sons for the future. 

Working on merit badges at a Boy Scout Pow-Wow

Classic! What boy wouldn't want to wear a pink wet suit at Scout Camp??

Building Strength...

...AND Friendship.

Eagle Scout Service Project - He organized 100 people in making beaded geckos, wooden cars, shape rings, stuffed footballs, and quilts to send oversees to needy countries via the Launfal Foundation.

Our First Eagle Scout!

Yes, I love Scouting. When my boys are suffering from boredom, I tell them to get out their Scout Books and get to work. Spend time on scouts during your family night or after church on a Sunday afternoon. Get involved as the parent and enjoy the time with your son!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Ladies First and other Thoughts

My son turned sixteen a few months ago and went on his first date last weekend (preference dance). How did the time go by so quickly? I was very pleased with his conduct and the respect he showed the darling girl he went with. Her parents also commented that he was "a perfect gentlemen". How do our boys become that way? How is it that one day he's wearing a bow tie and opening the door for his date? Is it luck that he happened to pull out her chair at dinner or gently put his arm around her waist for pictures? Not a chance! Boys need to be taught from the get go how to respect girls and have proper manners, and encouraged to practice these courtesies as they are growing.

Many years ago, this same son (6 years old) kicked a neighbor girl because she walked on our lawn that was growing seed. The father of the girl was furious and came over and scolded him good. I didn't agree with the way this father handled the situation. I was quite upset, actually. But, I do remember talking with our child after he left about never hurting girls and treating them with respect. We also talked to him about the way this man handled the situation. A kinder, gentler approach towards others is a better way. 

 From Toddler to Teen

There are so many things we can do as parents to ingrain these principles into our boys. Here are a few thoughts:

1. Mothers - show lots of love and affection toward your boys. Give them hugs and kisses. Put your arm around them. Play and tease and have fun together. Positive interaction from a woman teaches them to give it right back.

2. Check in once in a while about how they're treating the girls. Discuss the behavior they see towards girls from other boys and talk about if that's right or wrong. Talk about ways they can show kindness and respect, not teasing, making fun, or mean/disrespectful behavior.

3. This might sound silly, but I've always taught my boys to treat dolls as if they were a real baby. I have never allowed them to throw or kick them, pretend to torture or pull off arms, or whatever boys think up. Treating a doll with respect is the first step towards loving a baby and developing a gentle side.

4. Liken the girls in their peer group to their own sisters. If they don't have sisters, liken them to cousins, a friend, Aunts, or you, their mother. Have your sons put their sister in the place of a girl at school and discuss if that's the way they'd want another boy to treat her.

5. Encourage polite behavior. A friend of mine waits at the door until her son opens it. This can begin from the time they are big enough to open a door on their own. I love this method and I've started using it myself. Teach them to hold the door for people behind them. Teach them the principle, "Ladies first". If they know what is expected, they can follow through. If they are unaware of the expectations, it is difficult to measure up. 

6. Give opportunities to serve. The other day, my husband asked my 9 year old to walk his grandmother from the house to the car and then from the car to the house when we returned. He took her arm and was so gentle and sweet. I wish I had my camera! What a moment to teach respect for women!

7. Don't assume that they know proper table manners, how to ask a girl to dance, HOW to dance, to take her coat or pull out her chair. Make sure they really know!

8. Like I mentioned above...hurting girls is unacceptable! Our four year old is struggling with this concept right now. His sister teases him, his temper is short, so he hits her. We're trying to nip it in the bud NOW so he can learn to practice all of the above.

9. The father's influence of how he treats his wife, your sons' mother, is invaluable. Fathers, love and respect your wife that your sons will have an example to follow.

10. In our family, 16 is the age when they can begin dating, double or group dates. They have lots of time to practice the art of treating girls with respect.

Let's pray they remember all that has been taught.

For a good book about raising boys, consider Dr. James Dobson's book, Bringing up Boys.

 I hate the term, "Boys will be Boys". To me, it is derogatory. Boys can be good boys. Boys can be responsible boys. Boys can be respectful boys. Let's teach them to be so...

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Last Laugh

Have you ever had a child that is so insistent on something that it just becomes ridiculous? No matter how many times you tell them or not matter how many people tell them, they just stick with their silly notion.

Example: A few years ago, I was making dinner - something that included red cabbage. I don't even remember what it was. My daughter insisted that it was called purple cabbage because it's purple. I kindly told her that it's actually called "red cabbage". She insisted that it was purple cabbage. "Why would it be called red cabbage? It's not red. It's purple." And on and on she went. 

Fine, call it purple cabbage. It's really not something to argue about or fret over. Like my Dad used to say, "Don't sweat the small stuff." 

But I firmly believe that Moms have certain rights and in this instance, it was to get the last laugh. I was at the grocery store and happened to have my camera with me. So, I shot this:

It's RED cabbage

I came home from the store and showed her the picture. I laughed and she fumed but I never heard a word about it again and I think I do recollect her calling it RED cabbage since then. I love it!

Funny, but a similar thing happened this morning when I took a break from this blog post to go make "the drink" and the lunches. This same daughter was complaining about having to wear a skirt to school every day (uniform policy), especially in the winter. I told her, "I do recall you saying that you wouldn't mind wearing a skirt every day when you started going to this school."  She retorted with, "Well, it wasn't cold then." The complaining ended and she went on her way.
I enjoy reminding my children about their former ideas, opinions, thoughts, and statements that render gratitude, commitment, positive attitudes and proper perspective.

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

"Stick" Together

Today I want to send out a message of gratitude to all the people in my life who have influenced who I am. I'm especially thankful to all of "my ladies" who have been an example to me and continue to teach me with their kindness, daily service to their families and communities, charity and compassion, wisdom, stalwart stance, faith and fortitude....basically you're all an example of women who Stick-to-it!

It's amazing how "sticking" together makes us strong and steadfast. Simple acts of love toward each other build us up and encourage endurance; making it possible to make it another day. 

I received a note in my mail box last week from a neighbor. Her sweet and simple note to me absolutely made my day! A few of her words...

"As I observe you & your faith & dedication to the Lord, I'm so inspired...Thank you for the children you're raising, the faith in your home, & just for being an all-around beautiful lady..."

Never underestimate the good you can do and ARE doing in your home and within your circle of friends and family. Let's "stick" together as we are engaged in the great work we're faced with, no matter what stage you're in. We can be a mighty force for truth and righteousness - influential in the lives of each other AND the younger generation - by living with joy, happiness, patience, and love.

Look for someone today that you can inspire and uplift!

I love you ladies...

I wish I had pictures of all of you...but the time searching is spent and I've found that I take soooo many pictures of my kids but not enough of the "big people".

Also - here's a call for your ideas. You're all such amazing people...I'd love for you to share some of your "Stick-to-it" thoughts...

Learning from each other is where it's at!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Clean...until the grumps are gone!

A few weeks ago, I was mad. It doesn't happen very often but that day somebody really set me off, more so than I've ever felt in a LONG time. I'm sure a lot of it was my fault - over sensitive and quick to be offended. Nevertheless, I was ticked. I looked for some way to take out my anger. I didn't want to yell at my children or punch out a picture frame (sorry, Kath) so I looked around the house and saw a messy kitchen. I went to work...

For some reason, the kitchen is the family dumping ground. I started chucking my children's stuff into the living room. My oldest two children were working on their homework. They quickly got the picture. They picked up their things and put them away. The news spread quickly that Mom was upset so everyone started doing their chores. I guess when Mom is mad and silent, it's more effective than being mad and yelling.

Back to cleaning: I swept the floor, moving the kitchen table, benches and bar stools out of the way.

No, this is not what my broom looks like. I just liked the photo.

I mopped the floor. I even sprayed the edges of the floor and scrubbed the built up dirt that never gets clean with just a mop. I sprayed and wiped the base boards, the walls and all of the kitchen appliances. I cleaned the cupboard doors and the outside of the garbage can. I scrubbed the table, all of the chairs, benches, and bar stools. I moved on to the living room and cleaned the pencil and crayon designs off the walls and then down the stair well to do the same thing. I put all my energy into cleaning and I didn't stop until my anger had dissipated, or in other words, until the grumps were gone. 

When I was finished, I was so hot and sweaty. Wow! I felt better though, and now, looking back, there are many advantages of cleaning when you're mad...

1. The places that don't get cleaned very often, are suddenly spotless.

2. Instead of wallowing in your self pity, something gets accomplished.

3. It's a good work out! Lose some calories while you let off some steam.

4. Take your frustrations out on the kitchen floor instead of your family.

5. You may get other people involved, too and then more gets done.

6. You end up counting your blessings and forget why you were mad in the first place.

7. You repent for getting upset and apologize to the family (especially for chucking their stuff). Even mothers make mistakes and it's good for children to hear you say, "SORRY!".

8. A nice hot shower awaits you...it may be the second shower of the day. Nice! Now you get to meditate, pray, think and RELAX!

9. Hopefully there's an apology and life can move on.

10. You walk into the kitchen to fix dinner and you're loving how clean everything is!!!

No, I'm not happy with myself for getting upset, but I really feel that how you handle your anger is the important part. One public speaker said he runs down to the water heater and hugs it to avoid yelling at his family. Also, we choose to get mad or upset so we also choose how we're going to deal with it. Ever upset with a difficult child? (hah, do I need to even ask?) Try sitting them down on the couch and just hugging them. Don't say anything. Just hug them and see what happens. Hug them for one minute, five minutes, ten minutes. Frustrations soften and love builds up. Now I like that kind of build-up!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Train your child in the way she should go

Your toddler is acting up in church. She is crying or yelling every other minute. Time to take her out because she's disturbing the meeting. You leave the room and find yourself in the foyer or hallway. What do you do?

A. You're so tired of wrestling with a grumpy child so you put her down to get out the wiggles (which usually results in running up and down the hallway or wrapping herself up in the window drapes).

B. You continue to hold your child and calm her down until she is ready to go back into the meeting. 

One approach teaches the child to act up in church, in a meeting, a performance or other quiet setting so she can leave the event and play. The other approach teaches the child that if she acts up, she'll be taken out and held, until she is ready to go back in and behave.

Raising children could also be called training children. Our children come to us with a pure, open mind, ready to be taught and TRAINED. Your child CAN learn to sit through church. Your child CAN learn to be respectful. Your child CAN learn to say please and thank you when they're just learning to talk. It takes work, dedication and CONSISTENCY. 

Let's go back to the church service example above, before your child has the meltdown and needs to leave. She probably has some coloring to do or some little toys to play with. You may have a water bottle or some snacks to help entertain. (I always save the food for the last resort!) She has the opportunity to sit with Mom or move to Dad. She can choose to sit with an older brother or sister. She has options! Now, transport you and your child to the foyer where she's sitting on your lap on a chair or she's in your arms standing up. She doesn't have any options. What child would like to sit quietly on your lap with a book, a small doll or a few plastic animals to keep her busy rather than sitting quietly on your lap with NOTHING to do? I think it's obvious. The key is training children to realize that it's much more fun to be in church with options available to them than to be restricted. You're giving them two choices...which one will it be? Don't let them make the rules; you're the parent. You set the boundaries and the expectations.

This takes practice and consistency. Keep working on it. You may need to take your child out several times but don't give in. Stick-to-it and eventually, the amount of times you have to leave the church service will decrease until you don't have to leave anymore.

Another trick that works well is leave the toys, snacks and entertainment in your bag until a certain point. First, this trains your children to sit quietly and listen, for a specified time. The time increases as they get older until eventually, they can sit through church without any distractions. They also learn when the activities will come out which develops patience. Secondly, after sitting for a while, they are so grateful for something to do that the remainder of the meeting goes by faster and they are entertained during the usual "meltdown time". Like I've said before, encourage delayed appreciation and not instant gratification.

Teaching and encouraging proper behavior can be fun! There are so many TOOLS available to help you out! A friend of mine has developed some amazing quiet books and quiet toys, perfect for teaching AND entertaining during those settings that require quiet times. I LOVE the Let's Count 1-2-3 Play Bag. All of the quiet books zip closed so you don't need to worry about pieces falling out. They also replace lost pieces! Check it out...www.mygrowingseason.com

Who your child becomes is largely determined by us as parents, probably more than we think. Train your child in the way she should go...let's hope it's NOT a free for all in the church foyer.

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Take a Break!

No matter how much you love your children, you need a break. No, you're not abandoning your children if you go out of town for a few days and leave them with Grandma. You're not a bad mother for wanting an evening with Dad. Get a babysitter and get out of the house!

It's healthy to have time alone with your spouse. It's rejuvenating to think about other things rather than changing diapers, what's for dinner?, Mikey needs to go to soccer practice, the car payment is due or five loads of laundry need to be folded. Take a break from all the worry and spend time together!

Sam and I go out at least once a week. Some weeks we make it twice and those are fabulous times! After being stuck at home for two weeks taking care of children with strep throat and hives, I was just dying to get out. I asked the older children to "maintain order" (code for babysit) and we went out for just an hour to get a shake and talk about life. It made all the difference! Our usual outings include dinner (a MUST)  and then walking, shopping or reading. For special occasions we'll see a play or musical. We enjoy going out with friends, too! We tend to stay away from movies because first, there's rarely anything good to see and secondly, you can't talk to each other.

Yes, if you don't have older children who can "hold down the fort" (another code), it makes things more difficult. Our first two children were 17 months apart, followed by our third 26 months later. #4 came 25 months later. At one point we had four children under six and it was CRAAZZYYY but it was AWESOME! We didn't take the time to go out much since babysitters are expensive (we're blessed with eternal treasures, not worldly treasures). However, there are ways to be creative and get the time you need. Trade babysitting with a friend who has young children, too. It's a great way to get out weekly for BOTH parties and the children have fun playing with some friends. My brother and his wife have a babysitting co-op in their neighborhood. I think it's a great idea..I'll get more info and do a post about that. (Reminder to self) Get the children to bed early (easier said than done) and have a date at home. Don't just watch TV. Do something unique and special. Or, get up early and have a special breakfast together. Take the children to the park and have a "date" on the park bench. Whatever you do, do something. I will admit, we rejoiced, truly we did, when our oldest child was able to babysit. Now we have four children old enough to be the "head honcho". Honestly, I never thought the time would come...but it does.

Sam is great about encouraging us to go out of town once or twice per year. When he suggests it I always say, "Oh, it's not good timing, so and so has this, who will watch the kids, it's too expensive to go...". Excuses, excuses. I have the guilty mother syndrome. Once the logistics are secured and everything is worked out (which it always does work out), I'm soooooo grateful for the time away. Usually, it's just for a day or two, but we always count the hours (literally) and savor them. 

31 Hours...

Approximately 72 hours...

3 hours...hey, 3 hours is 3 hours

60 Hours or so...

Yes, take a break and another and another. You come back with more appreciation for your children and they seem to like you a little better, too.

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!