Crime and Punishment

One example of a crime and the punishment...

A few months ago I was at the dentist for a checkup and cleaning. Definitely not my favorite thing in the world, but I do like how my teeth feel afterward. Our ENTIRE family was at the dentist that day for the same reason. As you can imagine, it caused some heads to turn and questions to be asked. The dental assistant asked me, "So, how many children do you have?" I replied, "4 boys and 4 girls". It tends to minimize the reaction to say it that way, rather than, "EIGHT!" He proceeded to tell me about the big family he grew up in. We talked a bit about children and discipline and training. He then told me a story I will never forget!

He grew up in a rural town in Idaho. When he was six years old, his mother went "to town" for the monthly shopping trip. He said she was usually gone for about four hours. His sixteen year old brother was in charge of watching him and the rest of the family. His six year old self was probably a bit annoying or bossy or a pain in the neck. As a result, the brother locked him in their fruit room in the basement. No light or window was available; it was pitch black. He cried and screamed and knocked on the door. The brother never let him out.

When the mother came home, she found out what had happened. I'm not sure if she found him in the fruit room as she was putting the groceries away or if she asked where he was. That part of the story is unclear. However, when the tragedy was discovered, obviously she was furious. Can you imagine how frightened that little boy must have been? BUT, they didn't ground the older son. They didn't make him clean the garage or scrub all the bathrooms. The punishment was AMAZING!

For one year the older son had to take the younger son with him EVERYWHERE he went, except to school. If the teenager was going to a party, the younger boy went, too. If he was going to a movie, little brother got to tag along. 

Boy: "But Mom, that movie isn't appropriate for 'Mikey' to see". 
Mom: "I guess you're not going to that movie then".

Boy: "Can I go to Jimmy's house?" 
Mom: "You have to take your little brother with you."

This lasted for ONE YEAR!!! I was incredulous when he told me. 

"He really took you everywhere with him for one year?"

The dental assistant told me the rest of the story...
The older and younger brother became best friends. He is his favorite brother now. The "punishment" that was given ended up being a blessing for both brothers. What began as a very negative experience became a lesson of love and forgiveness. What inspired parents to turn this scenario into a positive blessing for their family!

If one of my children did this, I would be livid. I don't know if I would be calm enough to come up with such wisdom. Not one of my children has ever done something so serious. However, if a warranted situation does arise, I'll have this little gem in the back of my mind. 

I could see myself implementing this idea for a day or a week for situations that fit the bill. Non-loyalty or harmful behavior to siblings does not bode well in our family. Walk that line and you'll be walking with little brother or sister in tow. 

Soldier Hollow Weekend - More to Come About That Amazing Trip!

It is up to parents to formulate tactics that will shape and mold the children they've been given responsibility for. I am grateful to hear experiences of other parents. It gives me new ideas and methods to try with my family. What a blessing to have examples around us whom help us stick-to-it!

I told this story to my children...what the older boy did AND the punishment. They looked at me with disbelief. I'm not sure if they were shocked about the crime or the punishment. Let's just say, I don't think any of them want such a consequence. Great...I don't want to give it either!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Want Productivity? CYT!

Match Socks

Clean Under the Couches

Organize the Book Shelf

Clean out the Toaster

Wipe off the Ceiling Fans

Clean under Mom's Bed

...Just some of the "Extra Jobs"

HAVE FUN!!!! :)

It's Spring Break this week and my kids would probably declare that they're deprived because EVERYONE else they know is in some warm, exotic place like Disneyland, Mexico, Florida, Hawaii, St. George, or on a cruise somewhere. (If EVERYONE is having the time of their life, why are all of their friends around to do things with???) So, instead of soaking up the sun, they're soaking up the dirt, dust, and clutter in our home that has long been neglected. Actually, they're earning money to pay off their debts they've incurred for all the excitement they're preparing for this summer. No, they're not happy about it, but I keep reminding them that they have money to earn if they want to enjoy the plans they've already made. 

I've waited for three days for my children to say, "Mom, what can I do to earn money." Well, it hasn't happened. It's one thing for Mom to say, "You really need to do some extra chores to earn some money." Yah, in one ear, out the other. So, I've resorted to this: "You're doing two hours of extra chores today after your regular chores are done and before you can do any fun stuff. And, here's the list of chores that need doin'." It's Called "CYT" or "Change Your Tactic". If it's not working, you need to change your tactic and try something else.

It's amazing when you put a list in front of them, the action that takes place. 

I ran out of room on the first list..had to make a second!

They fought over who could look at the list first and "claim" the coveted extra jobs like organizing the DVD's or replacing light bulbs, not matching socks or organizing the bathroom closet. I had to resort to a rotation: "You choose two jobs, mark your initials, then pass it on." We rotated through all the kids several times until most of the jobs were claimed. Then, they went to town cleaning. Wow, we haven't been that productive in a long time.

This guy surprised me the most! He completely cleaned under both couches AND vacuumed.

A job I've been wanting to get to for years...Organize all the File Folder Games

Hooray - Cleaning out the cupboards!! Yah, we won't mention what we found in there!

Cleaning and wiping out drawers. No more crumbs mixed in with the measuring cups! I hope you can relate!

Cleaning all the grody stuff off the washing machine!

She partnered with "zebra" and they kicked!

Finally got the buckets put back and organized after Christmas!

Oh, the blessings of an organized pantry!

Organizing the toys...seems like somebody's always doing this.

More organizing, more cleaning.

He put himself in time out. Wow!

Now, I've already given them fair warning that the same plan is in place for tomorrow. Hopefully we can get the rest of the list marked off! Create a list and some parameters. Once the task is met, reward and let them play. They deserve it!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Analogy: Crayons, Choices, and Children

"Mom, come quickly. Look what she did!" 

Black crayon scribbled all over the coffee table.

GASP (from me)

Eyes full of  sorrow looked up at mine. 

No, I wasn't mad. But, I wasn't going to let a teaching lesson go by.

Get out the Magic Eraser. Wait, I don't have a Magic Eraser.

Baby Wipes.

Well, it's not the first time I've dealt with a child scribbling crayon all over something, whether it be the wall or the couch or the table, or my Messiah score. At least crayon comes out, not like the "pretend boyfriend" one of my daughters drew in permanent Sharpie on the bedroom wall years ago. 

After seeing the mess she made and being so proud of myself for not raising my voice or getting upset, I quickly told her that it's unacceptable to make a mess of our home and she needed to clean it up. Remembering that the Magic Eraser was used up with some spring cleaning a few weeks ago, I resorted to the baby wipes. I gave her a handful and told her to go to town on scrubbing that table clean. She knew not to complain. She got busy. (Sometimes I think they like cleaning up the mess - to a point - especially if it involves scrubbing.)

No, I don't clean my house or make sure my children look perfect before I take their pictures. This is Bushman Family Reality!

Almost immediately, older brother jumped in to help.That's my scout - doing a good turn!

Many Hands make the Job Light

 
After 20 minutes or so she asked me to come and look at her progress. Pretty good, especially for a 4 year old. There were a few places she missed that I pointed out. She started to complain a bit, "It's too hard, Mommy." There it was...the words that sink into your heart when a child has done her best and is feeling the effects of fatigue and remorse. I took the wipe from her and started scrubbing for her. She placed her hand on mine and we scrubbed the last of it together. She felt happy, with a sense of accomplishment for fixing what she had done.

...take me by the hand...

As we finished up, I suddenly had a spiritual moment...

We all make mistakes in life, like scribbling on the table.  If we leave it alone and don't try to clean it up or make it right, it stays there for all to see, or maybe just for us to see, reminding us of the mistake. Those reminders make us feel guilt or sorrow or sadness. We look at the mess and think, "I don't know how to get rid of it. It's too hard." That's where the Savior comes in. He helps us get rid of the mess, standing by us, strengthening and encouraging as we follow his road map to repentance. (Brother Scout) As we follow it, and do ALL WE CAN, he takes our hand and helps us finish on the path (Mom). He forgives us and remembers our mistakes no more. Best of all, he takes away the guilt and the sorrow and the sadness. He cleanses us and comforts us, which enables us to feel joy. He makes it right.

It's interesting what happens when we follow the Lord's plan of parenting. The pattern is set in the scriptures, and it's up to us to study and learn and practice. We both learned a lesson that day. She learned the consequence of scribbling on the table - being accountable to clean it up, apologize, and do all she can to make it right. I also hope she realized and felt the support from those who love her.  I learned that parenting brings joyful lessons and spiritual moments, thus the Analogy of Crayons, Choices, and Children.
 
More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Lessons I've Learned from Charles Ingalls

Charles, Carolyn, Mary, Laura, Carrie, Doc, Mr. Oleson, Nellie, Willy, Harriet, Miss Beadle, Mr. Edwards, Grace, Reverend, Mr. Hansen....The LHOP People

Our family is on a LHOP kick - Little House on the Prairie. We gather 3-4 times per week to watch an episode, or maybe two if we start early enough. The 10 seasons are on DVD, reasonably priced via Amazon. At $0.35 per episode, that's cheap entertainment. But not "cheap" entertainment, if you know what I mean. It's rich in morals, family values, lessons, fun, and humor. My older children ask every night if we are going to watch a LHOP. That tells you something. Nevertheless, I've discovered amazing parenting lessons from Charles Ingalls as I've watched this delightful series, and we're only in Season 2!

1.  Laura or Mary always seem to have some kind of drama. Nellie is nasty mean, the new teacher picks on Laura, they use the church money to buy bottles of medicine instead of a Bible for the Reverend, the new boy doesn't like Laura, Mary is doing poorly in school and needs glasses...the list goes on and on. Through each crisis, Charles doesn't shrug it off or act like it doesn't matter. He stops what he's doing and truly listens. He gives hugs and encouragement. He is right there to do whatever it takes to make his girls feel better. He gets involved if he needs to, but lets them fight their own battles if he feels that's best. 

2. Charles Ingalls is not afraid to make his girls tow the line. He expects them to do their chores and to do their best in school. If they have done something wrong, there is a consequence. However, he's not afraid to change his mind. Parents have that right - to change their mind if they have given an unfair punishment or threat. When the girls use the church money to try and double their money to get the Reverend a "better Bible", he doesn't let them pretend to be sick at home. He gets them out of bed and tells them they have to own up to what they've done. He's always looking for the opportunity to teach a lesson.

3. Charles spends time with his girls. He takes them on a camping trip, takes them on some of his trips to Mancato, plays with them at picnics, plays the violin for them at night, goes fishing with them, teaches them skills, talks to them while he's working, helps with their homework, and rope swings into the pond.

4. Pa Ingalls looks for opportunities that will help his girls grow and learn. He allows Mary to assist the seamstress and make her own money to buy Christmas presents, he lets Laura raise her own horse and then decide if she wants to sell it or not, he lets go of his pride and accepts money from the school board to allow Mary to travel to Minneapolis to participate in the state math exam, he gives them the chance to take care of the puppies that almost drowned in the river, and he allows Laura to become an expert fisherman to provide fish for the family. 

5. Pa teaches by example. He is a friend to everyone. He looks for opportunities to serve and help, even when it's not convenient. He is loyal to his friends and the townspeople of Walnut Grove. However, he will not be taken advantage of. When Mrs. Oleson treats his family unfairly, he tells it to her. Yet, he is forgiving of Harriet and always gives her another chance. He has a delightful wit, and isn't so high and mighty that he won't laugh or make fun of once in a while. He's real and he's good. He keeps his promises and his word is true. His children see this in him and want to emulate that.

6. Charles treats his wife with love and respect, an equal partner in raising their family together. He cares about her opinion and expects the children to obey her and respect her. He wants her to be an individual, to have experiences of her own that make her better and help her to grow. He supports her in those things (like teaching school when Miss Beadles gets injured in the buggy accident) and is excited for her success. They work together as a team in raising the children and supporting the family.

7. Pa isn't afraid of work, nor teaching his girls to do the same. They each have tasks that they must complete before "fun" ensues. He takes his job of providing very seriously and even leaves home for a while to work at a granite mine to make a living for his family. He takes on extra jobs to make ends meet. When they finally pay off their debts, he says they will pay cash only, no debt. Each member of the family worked to provide for the family. Because of his example, his children gained a strong work ethic and a desire to do their part.

8. In a time where it was do or die, hard work was necessary to survive, life on the prairie was extreme and intense, self-reliance was the name of the game, reality was brutal, and all members of the family were needed to make it, Charles is still soft and loving. He has a love for his family that you can see in his eyes and in his smile and in his actions. He doesn't let the hard prairie life make him hard. Quite the opposite. The oppositions he face help him turn to his family and love them even more.

If I could pick any movie series to help mold my family, this is it. It references and teaches faith in God, true Christian morals, responsibility in the family, a strong work ethic, love of family and friends, good works and charity, consequences (good or bad), delayed gratification (not instant like modern times), and a stick-to-it concept in all aspects of life. These are true principles that are seldom displayed in the entertainment industry. Thanks to Michael Landon (Charles Ingalls) and a host of others, they've left a beautiful legacy for families to enjoy and learn from. Thanks, Charles. You really do stick-to-it!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Making Memories in Mexico

"Climb every mountain, ford every stream;

Follow every rainbow, till you find your dream"

The Sound of Music

My daughter had the opportunity of a lifetime to travel to Mexico City in January with her school for a service-learning opportunity at Benemerito. She enjoyed living with girls her age (and mingling with boys her age) for a week and learning about the language and culture in Mexico. The students from Utah also shared about life in the USA and coached them in some English skills. Together, the two groups of students explored the area, participated in service projects, shared talents, enjoyed learning games and activities, ate street tacos, and went to Walmart in a cab (her first cab ride), among other things. She also managed to hyper-extend her knee after day five, resulting in being on crutches the remainder of the trip. Crutches and all, she made it to the top of the Teotihuacan pyramids...a real inspiration for me and those on the trip. This is a trip she will NEVER forget!

  

Her determination to make it up those pyramids on crutches has inspired me. We can achieve great things as we stick-to-it! With the help of those around us, we can go up and down the paths of life with a smile on our face and joy in our hearts. Always remember your will to achieve, honey. It will strengthen you as you face the next hills in life.

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!