Write-Downable of Last Week

Grateful for Dates with my Hunk-a-Love!

Write-Downable (n) 

"A statement that is cute, funny, priceless, sensitive, loving, one-of-a-kind, sweet, or spiritual; a word, phrase, sentence, or story that touches the heart of another and is deemed worthy to write down, thus recorded forever and not forgotten."

Word Created By: The Bushman Family

Definition By: Julie Bushman

Write-Downable of Last Week:

In her prayer, "Please bless that Mommy and Daddy can go on a date." (4)

YESSSSSSSSSS! 

Either she is really, really thoughtful, or she likes it when we go. In fact, I could hear my teenage son singing Party on the Dance Floor when we walked out the door a few months ago. Wish I could be a fly on the wall when we're not home!

Things have been better when we get home from an evening out. I used to get upset when we'd get home and the house was a mess, the food didn't get cleaned up, the children didn't get bathed, or nobody was in bed. My expectations were too high and could not realistically be met. I've learned some things that have really helped...

Win-Win Ideas:

Give specific instructions, but limit the list. If there's too much, children are overwhelmed and will give up. Make sure the tasks can be realistically accomplished.

Prioritize the list. Have some Must-Dos and some bonus jobs or money jobs, as my kids call them. You never know when a child will be extremely motivated. You just might end up with a super clean bathroom or an organized pantry when you get home...definitely worth a few dollars!!

Call or text when you're thirty minutes from coming home. That's when the hustle tends to happen. If they get a warning call, the panic sets in and people get moving.

Point out the accomplishments and thank the children for doing them, because they feel appreciated and validated. They'll remember that feeling and will have the desire to be helpful the next time. 

Create an incentive for fulfilling "the list". When all the jobs are done, they can rent a specified movie on Amazon on Demand (I LOVE THIS SERVICE), have a treat, go to the park, go get ice cream (if the babysitter can drive...17 more days!!!!!!!!!!!!!) or open up a surprise bag (if Mom plans in advance). I love incentives, don't you? Kids do, too!

Date in Salt Lake - August, 2012

Since she prayed for us to go on a date, let's turn that faith into action. Where are we going, honey?

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Thumbs up for 'Sponsible Kids!

A 4 year old's take on responsibility....14 Years Ago:

"Mommy, Baby pinched her fingers in the drawer. 

I opened the drawer when she was crying.  

 And she spilled water on the table so I got a towel and wiped it up.  

 That’s me being ‘sponsible, huh Mom?”

Write-downable from 1998

Teaching children the principle of responsibility requires searching for opportunities for responsible behavior to shine. Many times those occasions conveniently present themselves, and all that is required is to take advantage of it.

My five year old son is an active boy who wants to DO things that require action. It seems he would rather tackle a project that Mom gives him than to play with toys or watch a movie. Thus, I try to look for things that he can take ownership of and when finished, feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. It's even better when the project is something that really needs to be done, and I don't have to do it!!

Our four year old daughter is the same way. Anything that involves food, she is there, wanting to assist. So many mothers struggle with cooking with their children and would rather "do it myself". Simple tasks to hand over to an eager-to-learn child teach the principle of responsibility, as well as the needed job. The more my children know how to do, the less I have to do because the work is divided and conquered.

Some examples this month:

Quesadilla Making
I taught these two to put together a quesadilla. No, they didn't cook them. It didn't save me time (this time) for them to make them. In fact, it probably took four times longer than it would have if I had just done it. But that's not the point. I LOVE seeing my children learn new things and have confidence in their knowledge and abilities.

Watermelon Serving
Give her a bowl of cut up watermelon and some plates and let her serve-it-up! A task is accomplished, hand-eye coordination is developed, and she is so excited about doing it. Perfect combination! Last night, I asked her to put away the left over pineapple. She got a container out of the cupboard, scooped it up and put it in the refrigerator. Awesome!

Shredding
A few weeks ago, my shredding box was completely full. It needed to be emptied into a bag to hand over to the shredding company. 

NOTE: This is the best way to handle your shredding needs. Don't buy a shredder. They get clogged and overheated and broken. Office shredders cannot handle our output, so once or twice per year we call up the shredding truck (coined by my kids) and it picks up our documents that need to be disposed of. One call, one bill. 

This is a task that almost any child can do so why not have them do it?! This guy fetched the garbage bag and went to town with the job.

Involve your children. It will pay off for you and for them. The little acts of responsibility when they're young will turn into big acts of responsibility when they're older! All those years of little things have given that four year old from long ago (see the write-downable at the top) the opportunity to work his way to college. Yes, I admit, I couldn't resist stalking my son while he was working. How rewarding it is to see the fulfillment of all those years of teaching and training! He really is being 'sponsible!

Today's Stick-to-it Tip: Simple and consistent opportunities create a responsible, Stick-to-it Kid! Search them out and embrace the moments. Thumbs up for 'sponsible kids!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

We do Loud REALLY Well

Should I be proud that our family is loud?

Or wish for words that are soft, like a cloud?

Either way, I most surely am wowed

That I've been blessed with our ten-of-a-crowd.

Sometimes I feel like our family is misunderstood. We have some unique characteristics that probably raise some eyebrows, especially how LOUD we are. I was talking to my mom last night about it, perplexed that some families are so quiet. That is definitely NOT the Bushman Bunch. I can almost bet we're the loudest family on the block and our neighbors will testify of that. No matter how many times I encourage my children to lower the volume, speak with an "inside voice" (actually, I don't think my children know the difference between an inside and outside voice), talk in a whisper, decrease the decibels - however you want to say it - THEY DON'T GET IT!! 

So, it's always comforting when I discover something that validates this concern. Friday, Sam and I went to a benefit dinner and silent auction for a friend who needs a kidney transplant. (www.kidney4colson.com)

I found the following plaque that describes us perfectly, and I couldn't resist getting it!

In Our Home

We do second chances

We say Prayers

We do I'm sorry's

We play hard

We do loud REALLY well (caps added by me)

We give hugs

We do love

We are Family

Looking at this photo as I write this blog post, the question of the day is, "Does this just encourage loudness?" Maybe. When my kids read this plaque on our living room table, does it give them license to sing at the top of their lungs or laugh and laugh with gusto? Probably. But after 20 years of battling, I don't think a little sign can make life in our household any louder. So, do I just accept it and give up or continue to encourage? Of course, the latter. 

We try to have a quiet time for our young children every day and for all the children on Sunday. Quiet time consists of being by yourself if you can't be quiet with someone else. Quiet activities include napping, writing, coloring, reading, playing a quiet game, or crafting. It's a time for Mom to have some sanity and for the children to practice self-entertainment and quiet activities that hopefully result in some needed inspiration and revelation in their lives. Thus, no video games, computer time, or movies. Soft, uplifting music in your room is totally acceptable.

To fight the "we do loud really well", maybe the Quiet Time period should be gradually extended until it lasts all day. Now, that's a thought!

Or maybe I should just accept that our family does loud really well. If anything, it's just strengthening our self-esteem!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

 


 

Sensitivity to the Sensitive

"Up, up in the sky, where the little birds fly;

Down, down in the nest where the little birds rest;

With a wing on the left, and a wing on the right;

The dear little birdies sleep all the long night.

When the bright sun comes up, and the dew floats away;

'Good morning, dear sunshine', the little birds say.

How fair are the flowers; how green are the trees!

Our Heavenly Father made all of these things."

 "Up, Up in the Sky" - an old Primary song

My mom used to sing this to us when we were young children. This is probably where I developed a tender spot for birds. As a child, I remember watching all of the birds in our neighborhood in Northern California, especially the Mourning Dove. I loved this bird so much that I chose this particular species for the bird report I was assigned in elementary school.

I have also carried guilt about killing my friend's parakeet when I was 11. The bird was in my care while my friend's family went on vacation. I tried to feed it and give it water but every time I did, the bird would peck at me. Being a scared and slightly stupid child, I didn't ask my mother for help. I found the bird dead on the bottom of the cage from starvation and dehydration. They still paid me for taking care of it. I think her mom was happy to be rid of it...or maybe that thought just makes me feel better.

Last month, we cut down the trees in our yard in an attempt to start afresh. We had a huge blue spruce pine tree against our house. 

The final day for our blue spruce pine.

 When it came crashing down, so did a bird's nest. After the workers cut up the tree and removed the trunk and branches from the lawn, two baby birds were found. My daughter's sensitivity kicked in and she immediately pleaded with me to help her save the birds.

I thought of the yellow parakeet. Now's the time to redeem myself and help another bird live! No, I really thought of my daughter's desire to care for two of Heavenly Father's creatures. How could I not be sensitive to her sensitivity?!?

I looked up on the Internet how to care for baby birds. We made a nest for them in a plastic Easter basket. (The workers had already thrown out the nest.) We borrowed dog food from the neighbor and soaked it in water for an hour. Once it was soggy, we fed it to the birds with tweezers. We hung the basket in some tall bushes by our house. We hoped the mother would hear their cries and would come take care of them. I don't think that ended up happening, but they did survive the first day! She named the baby Eats-a-lot because he ate soooo much...every half hour. The older bird was named Sits-a-lot because he would always sit on the smaller bird. (All those episodes of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman gave her the idea for  Native-American sounding names.)

The two birds were different ages. The older one is above the younger one.

So happy to be helping these little birdies!

The basket, hanging from the bushes near our porch. She was out there ALL the time. She will be an awesome mother!

After the first night, we discovered the older bird gone from the basket. Thinking optimistically, we consoled our crying daughter with the thought that it was big enough and strong enough to fly away, thanks to a healthy portion of soggy dog food. I was a bit upset with the older bird. I don't see how it didn't like the bright pink basket-nest we created! We also hoped it would stick around to help care for the little one. But alas, it was gone so efforts turned to saving Eats-a-lot.

The week turned cold and my daughter put a washcloth in the basket to help keep it warm. It slowly stopped eating and then one day it was no more. I had never seen such a heart broken little girl. She cried and cried. I cried and cried for her sorrow. (I'm starting to cry right now just thinking about it). I told her she would see Eats-a-lot again and he would thank her for trying to save him.

This photo is of a LIVE Eats-a-lot!

So, that is our baby bird adventure. The chance of the birds surviving was very minimal. However, I had to do all I could to help my daughter care for them. Hopefully, she will remember this experience and will feel love and care from her mother as I was sensitive to her sensitivity. 

I think of the quote from Benjamin Franklin: "And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without his notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without his aid?"

I know the quote is talking about the founding of America, but I like to think of the empire as my little family. God saw that baby robin fall, and likewise, I know he is aiding me in the raising of my family.

Today's Stick-to-it Tip: Give care and show support of those tender emotions inside of your children, for their feelings are precious and fragile, just like those baby birds.

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Negative Behavior? Try Positive Attention!

Ever have one of those days where a certain child is pushing every button there is??? One of those days was last Sunday when my mother was over for dinner. (Happy Anniversary, Mom!!) I was having a particularly challenging afternoon with my ten year old and of course, she was witness to it. Do they plan to act up when Grandma is over? Later in the evening, when I checked my email, I found the following encouragement:

"Last night while trying to fall asleep I thought about the problems you seem to be having.  My policy is to keep my mouth shut but I just thought about a couple of things that I have heard regarding troubled relationships.  Being a middle child is difficult.  You either stay invisible and don't make waves or you cry for attention. Any kind, even if it is negative, is better than nothing.  Could he have some problems with needing attention?  One of dad's favorite mantras was "don't sweat the small stuff" and we kind of used that when dealing with you kids.  We would save the angst for big issues.  I remember what I think was my last big problem with your brother.  He was around 14 or 15.  He blew up about something and I got mad at him and he ran down the stairs.  I ran after him and just held him while we both cried.  I can't remember the problem but I do remember still the power in just holding and loving this child.  One other thought that I've heard is the most unlovable person is the one who needs the most love.  And I think the touch is very powerful in helping with problems.  In fact I think that couples are supposed to hold hands or have touch as they are discussing problems.  He is a great kid.  He is kind of an independent spirit and will probably continue to test you.  But as he becomes a teenager it will be more difficult than it is now if your relationship is troubled.  You are doing such a super job with your kids.  Hang in there.  

Love you, Mom

PS...I also forgot to say that maybe there is something about 10 year-old boys.  I remember Dad and I one night lamenting about your brother (he was 10) and commenting that he was the child we were the most worried about.  And he turned out great." 

Mom is the type of Grandma who observes and prays. She rarely steps into her children's A-ffairs which has kept a healthy relationship with all her children, their spouses and grandchildren. However, this advice was timely and very appreciated. I have applied this principle (not that I hadn't thought about it before...it was just a great reminder) and have noticed a big difference.

When children are acting up and pushing those buttons, hug them, spend time with them, give them some extra attention and show interest in their interests. Yesterday, my son asked me to sew on the new patches that he received at the latest Cub Scout Pack Meeting. It wasn't a great time for this activity, but then, when is it? So, I dropped what I was doing and spent 45 minutes sewing patches, with plenty of needle pokes along the way. He sat with me the entire time, holding the remaining patches and watching. He felt loved and cared for, and the rest of the day was fabulous...no issues, power struggles, or frustration. He has also wanted to download a computer game for some time. We spent the time to get it setup for him so he could have that "privilege" when his responsibilities were taken care of. Over the last few days he has quickly completed his chores and other summertime activities, resulting in plenty of privileges during the day. 

Thanks, Mom, for the reminder that negative behavior, most of the time, is a shout-out for some positive attention. Keep Stickin'-to-it, Mama!

Helping to Guide 26 Stick-to-it "Grand" Kids

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

A Little Reverse-Psychology...

I'm always looking for little things my children can do to instill responsibility while getting a task accomplished that is needed, not to mention give them a lift in the self-esteem arena.

Today I asked my 5 year old and 3 year old to get the clothes out of the dryer and bring them upstairs. Both of them immediately said it was too hard. After hearing their complaints for a minute I said, "You're right. It's too hard. Both of you are too little and you're definitely not strong enough!"

Right away they said, "I'm not little...I'm big...I'm strong...I can do it." They ran downstairs to do the job. I could hear some grunts and the dryer door close. I could hear them struggling together to carry the hamper full of clothes up the stairs. When they got to the top, all tired out from this overwhelming task, they ran into the bedroom, shouting, "We did it, we did it."

Yes, they did it! They were responsible, they accomplished the job and they felt good about themselves. Good job! (And I didn't have to go switch the laundry :) )

More to come, but until then...Stick-to-it!