Supervise and Support the Snowy Service

Shoveling snow...it's kind of therapeutic. It gets you hot and sweaty and sore. But truthfully, I'm glad I have three big boys and two big girls who can do it now so I don't have to!! Our first (and only) big snow of the season was a few weeks back. It was a Sunday morning so we had time to actually get out there and shovel. Or, I should say that my boys had time to get out there and shovel. 
I'm a firm believer of working together on projects. The project is completed more quickly, you learn to work with another, conversations and interaction take place, memories made with another build love and unity with that person....wow, good stuff! 
The little guy had to be part of the action, too. Little people don't want to be left out! I was part of the action by watching from the window. That's a nice (and warm) way to supervise and lend support...

"You're doing great, boys. Keep it up!"

"Don't stop now. There's plenty more to shovel."

"I like those smiles and hugs. Give me more!"

Who can resist that darling little marshmallow?

On another note: when you encourage service it starts to "stick" and becomes tradition. Every time they go out to shovel, they always hit another house, too. Maybe it's not the service that drives them, but the chance to play in the snow a little longer. Plus, Mom's heart melts and she tends to reward them with hot cocoa, piled high with whipped cream! I know, it's a hard job...but somebody's gotta do it!

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Corn nuts and a six year old

It never ceases to amaze me how much children are capable of. However, we tend to underestimate what they can accomplish, thinking they're too young, or the job is too hard, or dangerous, or messy, or the timing just isn't right. Oh, the excuses we come up with to try and put off letting our kids help or learn something! Some of mine tend to be, "I can't teach you that right now, Mommy has to do this..., now's not a good time, we have other things we need to do, time to make dinner", etc, etc. As I write them on paper, they sound really pathetic. Do I really need to start dinner now or can I take five minutes to help my daughter learn to tie her shoes? 

Today I had an eye opener. Being December, we are immersed with Christmas preparations. One of our traditions is coming up with a small and inexpensive, yet meaningful gift, for neighbors, friends, and family. This year, part of our gift consists of two bags of corn nuts, tied together with curling ribbon, just like you would wrap ribbon around a wrapped package. Of course, you have to curl the ribbon on the top when you're finished. You get the picture...

Well, here's a picture if you don't get the picture.

As I was working on this today, my six year old daughter asked if she could tie ribbon, too. I thought in my mind, "She can't do that. It's going to be too difficult for her to maneuver the bags and get the ribbon tight enough, but not too tight!" She persisted in her asking and in her aggressive and "jump in with two feet" manner, she cut a ribbon and went to work. I continued with my part of the project and all of the sudden she said, "Look, Mom. Is this right?" I looked over and saw her finished project - not exactly perfect but totally acceptable. I was amazed! She had tied it, as well as curled the ends. Did I give her praise or did I give her praise? She had the biggest smile on her face - one of satisfaction, excitement, pride (the good kind) and pure joy. So, I told her to keep going. She tied almost 20 of these packages, entertaining herself for an hour or more, being productive and learning a skill. 

I love it!! So, why don't I encourage this more often? Am I lazy or just in the "let me do it" mode - it's faster, easier and the finished outcome is better. But is it? It may be easier short term, but long term we, and our children, are much better off if we encourage learning, doing, growing, and helping. (Not to mention that I was probably ten before I could tie and curl ribbon)

So, here is my cutie and her amazing tying abilities...

Thanks, sweetie, for making my life a little bit easier today and teaching me a lesson, too! By the way, I got an awesome deal on corn nuts - $0.25 per bag (normally $1.49) at Maceys. I love a good deal (but I don't really like corn nuts)!

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Traditions - The Tree

Traditions....I love you! Christmas is the ultimate time for family traditions! Our Christmas season opened up with the annual trip to the tree farm where we looked far and wide for the perfect tree. We are so blessed to have a fabulous location, just five miles away, to traverse to. We go each year on the day after Thanksgiving to find our family Christmas tree so we can enjoy the Christmas season as long as possible. 

It was just 20 degrees that day. No problem...we bundle up good!

But it was sunny and GORGEOUS...the day and the girls!

Too cold for this little darlin'. She had no clue why we were out tromping through the snow.

Our messenger boy...hikes back and forth to get the cutters to come

And here....is our tree!

We always see our friends who generously haul our tree home for us in their trailer!

Love Big Brother/Little Sister pics, especially lovey ones.

Aunt Yaine and Uncle Bunyon came with us. That made it even more fun!!

Our cold and happy family.

The finished product...alive with memories

I love memory trees. I love ornaments made in school or church; ornaments given from friends and family. My parents gave us an ornament every year when I was a child. Those ornaments hang on this tree. We have continued that tradition with our children and their ornaments are displayed on this tree. This is our oldest daughter's last Christmas "at home". She has a collection of ornaments to take with her when she begins her own family. The tree truly is alive with grand memories (and bare spots from toddlers constantly pulling them off - that's the fun of it, right?).

One last thought about traditions. They're supposed to be FUN and MEMORABLE. If it's more stressful, then simplify and relax, make some changes or consider skipping it one year. There's no rule that says you have to do it all. Stay tuned for more traditions on the way....

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Belt Loop!

Years ago, when we had several young children, Sam came up with "Belt Loop". You see, he's visually impaired and he needed a way to manage unruly children. Sending them to time out didn't work very well because he couldn't see if they were still there. Plus, sending them "away" didn't appeal to him. One day, when helping with an ornery one, he said, "Here, latch onto my belt loop." Sam is a pacer so whichever child it was held onto his belt loop as he walked up and down the hall, into the office and out, stood up while he sat, etc. That's how belt loop came to be and it's been his "trademark" for years. Every child has experienced belt loop, multiple times. It's a way to spend time with Dad and calm down. It's a way to make a statement with love. It's a way to give Mom a break!

One of our boys on belt loop while Dad is working. (He wasn't really on belt loop. I just asked him to pose for a picture)

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Make it a Family Day

Overhearing my son's phone call:

"No, I can't. My Mom declared today as a family day. Yeah, every once in a while she tells us it's a family day. That means we all stay home and do chores, school work, extra projects, babysit and all this stuff. No friends. Yes, it kind of sucks but oh well. Sorry...I'll see you Monday."

Today was a family day. Sometimes, it's necessary! You know those days when it seems like everything's chaotic because everybody in the home has been so busy that the chores have been neglected, nobody has clean laundry, Mom and Dad haven't been out for a while, sick kids and more sick kids, unmatched socks are piled high, etc? Last night I told the crew, "Tomorrow is a family day. Everyone has been so busy with activities, friends, school, concerts, sports and more. We're all staying home tomorrow." 

It was a blessed day! We slept in a bit and caught up on some much needed rest. Everyone finished their chores. There is clean laundry in the drawers. Dishes are done...the bathrooms are clean! Some school projects were accomplished and Mom and Dad got a date while it was happening (dinner and Christmas preparations).

I love family days!

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Make it Stick

Children love to stick. What is it about peeling and sticking, peeling and re-sticking? Cause and effect? Patterns? Repetition? Whatever it is, use that love for sticking to keep your children happy and entertained. Here are some ideas for you:

Bandaids: Kids love bandaids! If you ever have a fussy child in a place where you don't want them to be fussy, pull out a bandaid, let them open it themselves, peel off the tabs and stick. Watch them pull it off their hand and re-stick it to their leg, pull it off and re-stick. Give them a character bandaid and watch the fun last even longer. Keep a box of bandaids in your bag for emergency entertainment! My sister gives these as part of a birthday gift. Good idea! 

Tape: A roll of tape...masking tape, scotch tape, duck tape, or electrical tape is another cheap and quick way to keep a little one happy. 

Stickers: Oh, stickers. You are my lifesaver!! Find an inexpensive booklet of stickers, tear off a sheet, give your child a piece of paper and let them go to town. Or, make your own. Use blank mailing labels, design a simple label in Print Shop or any other design program, and print it off. Use pictures of your children to make it more interesting.

Products: I love this product for children over 4 or 5 - Lauri Mosaic Peel and Stick The pieces are foam adhesive that stick to the design by color/number. This is a fun craft that really keeps them busy! Another good idea for birthday presents!

Trains: just one out of ten sets to choose from

Make sure you keep your stamps hidden from little hands or the result will be this: 

At least these stamps were salvageable. Just wait until they stick them to paper!

I came up with the name, Stick-to-it Charts, because the charts we create use hook and loop (Velcro) for the pieces to "stick to" the chart. It's also a double meaning - the charts are tools to help children "stick to" their responsibilities. Read more about it: Here and Here

Happy Sticking!

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Is that a THREAT?

"If you don't clean your room, you won't be playing in your basketball game."..."If you don't stop your naughty talking then you'll stay home from the party."..."Please pick up all of your toys right now or you'll go to bed right after dinner."

Threats. We all make them to our children. We hope that giving a threat will produce the desired action or inaction. I've found, over the years, that giving a threat that we're not willing to follow through with, is a recipe for disaster.

Example: Your child is being all around difficult by teasing his brother and scattering toys around the house. In frustration, Mom says, "If you don't stop this behavior, you will not go with us to the movie tonight." 

First, are you really prepared to either stay home with your child while everyone else goes to the movie, have someone else in the family stay home while everyone else goes to the movie, or get a babysitter while the rest of the family goes to the movie? Is the threat really realistic? Is following through with the threat more of an inconvenience to you? If your child decides to test you to see if you really mean business, will you cave or will you Stick-to-it?

Second, is the threat something that will produce the desired outcome? Will the thought of staying home from the movie REALLY make your child want to change his behavior, stop teasing and clean up? If your child doesn't like movies much, he may not care and thus, the undesirable behavior may continue. However, if you were going swimming, he might just DIE if he doesn't get to go. Parenting in a lot of ways is a science. You need to look at each specimen (take each child individually), research how their mind works, their likes and dislikes, their learning styles, personality traits and tendencies. Teach, train and mold to the child for not every idea will work for every child.

Back to the example above. If Mom and/or Dad have a habit of making threats and NOT following through, the child may think, "yeah...Mom says I won't go to the movie, but she always ends up letting me go anyway." Do we end up teaching our children NOT to do what we ask because of our inconsistencies?

Another way to approach the movie example is this: "If you don't stop this behavior immediately, you will not get any treats at the movie tonight." This is probably a more realistic way to handle this particular situation. Yes, he still goes to the movie, but he doesn't get the PRIVILEGE of the movie treats. Remember, privileges and rights are NOT the same.

These are just some thoughts I've had lately. Believe me, I've made my fair share of unrealistic threats. And yes, parents have the right to change their minds. (I use that one a lot with my kids) However, I do know if we will make a reasonable threat or consequence and then Stick-to-it, our children will know we mean what we say and the likelihood of them following through with their responsibilities, and in a timely manner, is much greater.

I remember one instance when my oldest daughter was ten. She was homeschooled at the time and she wouldn't do her math assignment. She had a soccer game that afternoon so I told her if she didn't do her math, she wouldn't play in her game. She persisted to play and delay, so when it was time to go to her game, we got in the car, drove there and then she sat in the car with her math while we watched the game. Being at the field, in the car doing math, about killed her. She finished her assignment QUICKLY and then joined the team on the field. 

Soccer Season - 2003

I think the coach thought we were crazy, but oh well. It really taught her that we mean what we say and she needs to do her part. I tend to do it differently now. I usually give a time limit. In this case, I would now say, "If you don't have your math done by 12:00, you won't be playing in the game today." I can't stand idleness for hours and then a last minute "quick and dirty" scramble. However, we do believe in best effort. If a good and true effort is made, we definitely show leniency and support.

Think about what makes your children tick and use it to your advantage. Whatever you do, be consistent and follow through! Say what you mean and mean what you say.

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

The "mean Mom"

I'm a mean Mom. I am, and I'm happy and proud to admit it. Hopefully, you understand what I'm saying...I love my children, I'm kind to them, I read them stories, I sneak them treats, I take care of all their needs, I do special things for them, I listen to their news and tales, I pray for them, I teach them and train them. But, sometimes you just have to be "the mean Mom" to teach a lesson, show the importance of obeying the rules, to set standards and expectations; all this to raise "stick-to-it" kids. I believe in holding my children accountable for their choices, for there are consequences for disobeying or disrespecting. You're not home on time? I'm tracking you down. You have a C- in Math? You're staying home this weekend to finish your math lessons. You want to play a video game? No, too much media today. You didn't clean your room? Sorry, you'll have to play with your friend another day.

My children don't say I'm mean anymore. Years ago, if they did happen to say "You're so mean", I'd say, "You're right...don't forget it!" Since they know it doesn't phase me, it is not in their vocabulary. Hopefully, one day they'll understand that it's not mean, but love. I hope they'll become a "mean Mom" or "mean Dad" to their children, too.

A few weeks back, my children wanted to play with their cousins. I told them if they worked hard on their chores that morning, we'd see if they could come over. My two middle boys goofed off all morning long. After repeated reminders, they still did not take care of their responsibilities. So, I called off the play time with their cousins. They balked and complained - they even said they would do the work. However, I had to "stick-to-it" and be the "mean Mom". Thankfully, they've been a lot better about doing their jobs because of the consequence inflicted from not doing them before.

Look for ways to truly train, teach and LOVE - by being the "mean Mom".

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!