Make it a Family Day

Overhearing my son's phone call:

"No, I can't. My Mom declared today as a family day. Yeah, every once in a while she tells us it's a family day. That means we all stay home and do chores, school work, extra projects, babysit and all this stuff. No friends. Yes, it kind of sucks but oh well. Sorry...I'll see you Monday."

Today was a family day. Sometimes, it's necessary! You know those days when it seems like everything's chaotic because everybody in the home has been so busy that the chores have been neglected, nobody has clean laundry, Mom and Dad haven't been out for a while, sick kids and more sick kids, unmatched socks are piled high, etc? Last night I told the crew, "Tomorrow is a family day. Everyone has been so busy with activities, friends, school, concerts, sports and more. We're all staying home tomorrow." 

It was a blessed day! We slept in a bit and caught up on some much needed rest. Everyone finished their chores. There is clean laundry in the drawers. Dishes are done...the bathrooms are clean! Some school projects were accomplished and Mom and Dad got a date while it was happening (dinner and Christmas preparations).

I love family days!

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Make it Stick

Children love to stick. What is it about peeling and sticking, peeling and re-sticking? Cause and effect? Patterns? Repetition? Whatever it is, use that love for sticking to keep your children happy and entertained. Here are some ideas for you:

Bandaids: Kids love bandaids! If you ever have a fussy child in a place where you don't want them to be fussy, pull out a bandaid, let them open it themselves, peel off the tabs and stick. Watch them pull it off their hand and re-stick it to their leg, pull it off and re-stick. Give them a character bandaid and watch the fun last even longer. Keep a box of bandaids in your bag for emergency entertainment! My sister gives these as part of a birthday gift. Good idea! 

Tape: A roll of tape...masking tape, scotch tape, duck tape, or electrical tape is another cheap and quick way to keep a little one happy. 

Stickers: Oh, stickers. You are my lifesaver!! Find an inexpensive booklet of stickers, tear off a sheet, give your child a piece of paper and let them go to town. Or, make your own. Use blank mailing labels, design a simple label in Print Shop or any other design program, and print it off. Use pictures of your children to make it more interesting.

Products: I love this product for children over 4 or 5 - Lauri Mosaic Peel and Stick The pieces are foam adhesive that stick to the design by color/number. This is a fun craft that really keeps them busy! Another good idea for birthday presents!

Trains: just one out of ten sets to choose from

Make sure you keep your stamps hidden from little hands or the result will be this: 

At least these stamps were salvageable. Just wait until they stick them to paper!

I came up with the name, Stick-to-it Charts, because the charts we create use hook and loop (Velcro) for the pieces to "stick to" the chart. It's also a double meaning - the charts are tools to help children "stick to" their responsibilities. Read more about it: Here and Here

Happy Sticking!

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Is that a THREAT?

"If you don't clean your room, you won't be playing in your basketball game."..."If you don't stop your naughty talking then you'll stay home from the party."..."Please pick up all of your toys right now or you'll go to bed right after dinner."

Threats. We all make them to our children. We hope that giving a threat will produce the desired action or inaction. I've found, over the years, that giving a threat that we're not willing to follow through with, is a recipe for disaster.

Example: Your child is being all around difficult by teasing his brother and scattering toys around the house. In frustration, Mom says, "If you don't stop this behavior, you will not go with us to the movie tonight." 

First, are you really prepared to either stay home with your child while everyone else goes to the movie, have someone else in the family stay home while everyone else goes to the movie, or get a babysitter while the rest of the family goes to the movie? Is the threat really realistic? Is following through with the threat more of an inconvenience to you? If your child decides to test you to see if you really mean business, will you cave or will you Stick-to-it?

Second, is the threat something that will produce the desired outcome? Will the thought of staying home from the movie REALLY make your child want to change his behavior, stop teasing and clean up? If your child doesn't like movies much, he may not care and thus, the undesirable behavior may continue. However, if you were going swimming, he might just DIE if he doesn't get to go. Parenting in a lot of ways is a science. You need to look at each specimen (take each child individually), research how their mind works, their likes and dislikes, their learning styles, personality traits and tendencies. Teach, train and mold to the child for not every idea will work for every child.

Back to the example above. If Mom and/or Dad have a habit of making threats and NOT following through, the child may think, "yeah...Mom says I won't go to the movie, but she always ends up letting me go anyway." Do we end up teaching our children NOT to do what we ask because of our inconsistencies?

Another way to approach the movie example is this: "If you don't stop this behavior immediately, you will not get any treats at the movie tonight." This is probably a more realistic way to handle this particular situation. Yes, he still goes to the movie, but he doesn't get the PRIVILEGE of the movie treats. Remember, privileges and rights are NOT the same.

These are just some thoughts I've had lately. Believe me, I've made my fair share of unrealistic threats. And yes, parents have the right to change their minds. (I use that one a lot with my kids) However, I do know if we will make a reasonable threat or consequence and then Stick-to-it, our children will know we mean what we say and the likelihood of them following through with their responsibilities, and in a timely manner, is much greater.

I remember one instance when my oldest daughter was ten. She was homeschooled at the time and she wouldn't do her math assignment. She had a soccer game that afternoon so I told her if she didn't do her math, she wouldn't play in her game. She persisted to play and delay, so when it was time to go to her game, we got in the car, drove there and then she sat in the car with her math while we watched the game. Being at the field, in the car doing math, about killed her. She finished her assignment QUICKLY and then joined the team on the field. 

Soccer Season - 2003

I think the coach thought we were crazy, but oh well. It really taught her that we mean what we say and she needs to do her part. I tend to do it differently now. I usually give a time limit. In this case, I would now say, "If you don't have your math done by 12:00, you won't be playing in the game today." I can't stand idleness for hours and then a last minute "quick and dirty" scramble. However, we do believe in best effort. If a good and true effort is made, we definitely show leniency and support.

Think about what makes your children tick and use it to your advantage. Whatever you do, be consistent and follow through! Say what you mean and mean what you say.

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

The "mean Mom"

I'm a mean Mom. I am, and I'm happy and proud to admit it. Hopefully, you understand what I'm saying...I love my children, I'm kind to them, I read them stories, I sneak them treats, I take care of all their needs, I do special things for them, I listen to their news and tales, I pray for them, I teach them and train them. But, sometimes you just have to be "the mean Mom" to teach a lesson, show the importance of obeying the rules, to set standards and expectations; all this to raise "stick-to-it" kids. I believe in holding my children accountable for their choices, for there are consequences for disobeying or disrespecting. You're not home on time? I'm tracking you down. You have a C- in Math? You're staying home this weekend to finish your math lessons. You want to play a video game? No, too much media today. You didn't clean your room? Sorry, you'll have to play with your friend another day.

My children don't say I'm mean anymore. Years ago, if they did happen to say "You're so mean", I'd say, "You're right...don't forget it!" Since they know it doesn't phase me, it is not in their vocabulary. Hopefully, one day they'll understand that it's not mean, but love. I hope they'll become a "mean Mom" or "mean Dad" to their children, too.

A few weeks back, my children wanted to play with their cousins. I told them if they worked hard on their chores that morning, we'd see if they could come over. My two middle boys goofed off all morning long. After repeated reminders, they still did not take care of their responsibilities. So, I called off the play time with their cousins. They balked and complained - they even said they would do the work. However, I had to "stick-to-it" and be the "mean Mom". Thankfully, they've been a lot better about doing their jobs because of the consequence inflicted from not doing them before.

Look for ways to truly train, teach and LOVE - by being the "mean Mom".

More to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Money Matters

The government's fiscal irresponsibility is a very frustrating thing to me. What message is this sending to our children? "Oh....we can spend whatever we want with no accountability." No! In "Real Life", you'll be in a fast financial nightmare which will negatively affect the rest of your life. My son is almost twelve, yet he understands the problem. He recently wrote a letter to our congressman as one of the requirements for the Citizenship in the Community merit badge...

Dear Congressman Matheson,

I have recently found out that the government is in a lot of debt to China. If we don’t get this resolved then we will be in big trouble if China calls in their loan. I am asking you to help the government to stop buying too many things so we can try to pay off our loan as fast as possible. I just want to know if we don’t pay our loan, what is going to happen to us as a country?

I am learning how to manage my own money. If I can’t spend more than I have, why can the government? Our leaders should be an example to the children of our country. The leaders we have aren’t doing a very good job at this.

The second thing I want to talk to you about is to get the government to reduce taxes. Many people are living on the street because they can’t pay their taxes. My family has a hard time paying our bills because we have too high of taxes. I am also asking you to help the government think about this problem and get it resolved. 

It is our responsibility as parents to teach our children about fiscal responsibility. One of the first steps is to make sure they have money to work with as they learn. But, do we just hand it over to them with "no strings attached"? I don't think so. I believe in an allowance based on hard work and responsibility. Yes, they can earn money by doing extra jobs around the house. Help them see that money comes from hard work - not from Mom's and Dad's wallet. Items are not purchased by swiping a plastic card through a machine and pressing a few buttons. 

A few weeks ago, my nine year old son asked if he could earn some extra money by doing "money jobs". Money jobs are additional tasks the children can do outside of the chores that are expected as part of a family. Sure - clean out the garage...

I love the roller blade look! Why not have fun while you're working??

I was so impressed with the job he did! Do a fabulous and thorough job and get a little tip for the extra efforts! When he got paid the next day, he got out his Stick-to-it Money Management System:

 

Earning is the first step. Don't forget the importance of giving, saving and then spending. Just like most things, start them young and see their consistency and enthusiasm shine as they grow in years and experience. Move over, Ben Bernanke. I have some children who understand fiscal responsibility.
 

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

The Family Game

Thanksgiving was amazing. So much fun with candy turkeys...

Cute candy turkeys made by my 12 year old niece!

cousins...

... and "The Family Game". This was such a fun part of the festivities! Here's how you play:
First, the more people, the better. Each person writes down a name on a slip of paper and puts it in a bowl. It can be an athlete, a famous person, a character from a movie, an author, a scripture hero, an ancestor - anybody! One person is the moderator and does not play. The moderator reads each submission one time, in a row. Listen carefully to the names because you cannot write them down. The moderator picks someone to start. That person asks, "So and so, are you so and so?" For example: "Julie (me), are you Cinderella?". I would say yes or no depending if I wrote Cinderella. If they were correct, I join that person on a team. Then, we get to collaborate and go again. If I said no, I get to guess the next person. You continue until everyone is "found out" and the team or group with the most players, wins. If you correctly guess someone who has a "family" or team with them, the whole group is added to the group who correctly guessed. The key is to write down a person that does not relate to you at all so it's difficult for them to guess you. My six year old daughter wrote down Adam Lambert and my fourteen year old guessed her immediately. My brother in law wrote down Martha Stewart and his son guessed him right away because "you were Martha Stewart last time, Dad." Lesson learned: Don't repeat your person and don't write down someone people would easily be able to guess. This was such a fun game that involved EVERYONE! We enjoyed lots of laughter and fun memories.I was Rapunzel. Sam guessed me. How did he know?

This would be fun at any birthday party, youth group, family reunion or for a party mixer or get to know you game. Try it out!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Organizational Tip

Being organized makes for a happy mother and more productive children. Our family really does thrive with organization! So, here's an organizational tip I learned from my sister. We were at her home for Thanksgiving yesterday and loved this idea:

Plastic canisters for all the supplies that never seem to have a home

So, she found these canisters at Walmart. They're plastic so no worry about breakage. Whenever a crayon, pencil, pen, scissors - whatever - is found, you know right where it goes. Art projects are easy to instigate - just bring all the canisters over to the table. I love being able to see what's in your container AND it looks pretty classy, doesn't it? The latches are pretty fun to open and close, too.

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!