The Tendency Trap

ten·den·cy

noun, plural: ten·den·cies.  

an inclination, bent, or predisposition to something: a tendency to talk too much.
www.dictionary.com

As a mother, I find I have the tendency to do the same things or act a certain way. No, I don't have the tendency to talk too much. That tendency is saved for my husband. :) However, I do have the tendency to stick with the same old, same old, or to think something can't be done, or to feel that an experience or opportunity isn't right for somebody. Maybe I fall into the pessimist category or it could be that I have a lazy mindset in the midst of joyful chaos. 

Whatever the excuse for the tendency, it can be broken. I CAN step out of my preconceived notions and change the outcome!

Yesterday: My son came to me asking how to do a pony tail in a girl's hair. Well, my first tendency was to say, "Why do you need to know that?" However, I stepped away from my original thoughts on the matter and asked for the victim to come forward. It was little lady and he wanted to do her hair for her. She wanted piggy tails so I showed him how to do one side, and he did the other.

Concentrating on getting it just right!

I don't know what possessed him to want to learn how to put a pony tail in a girl's hair. Whatever the reason, he wanted to know and now he does. If I had followed my "tendency", this sweet moment would not have happened and a skill would not be learned. Isn't that what we're here to do as mothers... provide learning experiences for our children?

30 minutes later: This same son asked me if he could make scrambled eggs. I was in the middle of getting some work done and I knew he would need my help, as he had never attempted the task before. My tendency was to say, "No, it doesn't work out very well right now" but the mother/teacher in me squashed that idea and said, "Sure!" I gave him the first few instructions and told him to report back when those were completed.

First Step: Prepare the Eggs

He came back and I gave him the next set of instructions.

Final Step: Cooking the Eggs

We enjoyed a delicious breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast, and I didn't have to make it!!!!! I just had to step away from the tendency to discourage and give a few pointers. He benefited from learning to cook something new, I benefited from not having to cook, and the entire family benefited from a delicious breakfast. Most importantly, because I supported his desire to learn, the likelihood of him wanting to learn by doing will continue well into the future.

Stupid, negative tendencies....Go away! However, tendencies to serve, hug, love, and support can stay. You have my permission!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

EEEEEEEEa-sy?

"Summertime........and the livin' is EEEEEEEa-sy"

George Gershwin - Porgy and Bess

This is the first song that comes to mind when I think of the word, summer. My amazing, opera-singing friend sang this in our Gershwin Review in high school. Her gorgeous voice goes through my mind as I think of the lyrics to this song. But alas, I highly disagree with the premise of this classic, for summertime for me is not an EEEEEEEEa-sy time of year.

I've explained it before...so I won't explain it again. But, you can read up on my summertime philosophy, here: Turn "What Can I do" into Summertime Service

Being a full time, working mother at home, it's not an EEEEEEEEa-sy thing for me to keep up with all the activities that my children want to do OR the tasks that need to be accomplished.

So, I have assigned responsibilities to my children to help take the load off...

School Time - This is an important part of summer for us, because learning does not go on hold for three months. Thus, to make my life more EEEEEEEA-sy, I enlist the help of my older children to tutor my younger kids in math, reading, writing, etc. 

My eleven year old is taking it easy, lying on the couch, as he helps Buddy-Boy with his math.

Meal Time - Summertime brings more time than normal, so let's be productive, helpful, and learn while we're at it! Assigning the responsibility of making dinner to my children is the best thing for making my life EEEEEEEa-sy.

Lovely Ladies in their Aprons

Fun Time - With my current circumstances, I can't be the one to always take the children out for an activity. So, again, enlist my big kids to do fun things with the younger children.

Kidnapping Brother on his birthday for an afternoon out. (Little sister was scared as they were tying him up)

ZEBRAS!!!!!

I love not having to go in the pool every time!

Yard Time - Trying to get the yard together is a formidable task. It's definitely not EEEEEEEE-asy! Have everyone pitch in!

Thanks to these great kids for making our summer a bit more EEEEEEEa-sy. We still have lots of fun family time!

Planet Play

Dance Party: "Eat-it!"

Lovin' this cute foal!

Patience and a smile for the Mare

Cousins AND the Easter Bunny

Good times with "The Bear"

If you don't understand the EEEEEEEa-sy reference, you just need to listen to the song. Hopefully, you'll find a way to make your summer a little more EEEEEEEEa-sy, too!

More to Come....but until then, Stick-to-it!

Sensitivity to the Sensitive

"Up, up in the sky, where the little birds fly;

Down, down in the nest where the little birds rest;

With a wing on the left, and a wing on the right;

The dear little birdies sleep all the long night.

When the bright sun comes up, and the dew floats away;

'Good morning, dear sunshine', the little birds say.

How fair are the flowers; how green are the trees!

Our Heavenly Father made all of these things."

 "Up, Up in the Sky" - an old Primary song

My mom used to sing this to us when we were young children. This is probably where I developed a tender spot for birds. As a child, I remember watching all of the birds in our neighborhood in Northern California, especially the Mourning Dove. I loved this bird so much that I chose this particular species for the bird report I was assigned in elementary school.

I have also carried guilt about killing my friend's parakeet when I was 11. The bird was in my care while my friend's family went on vacation. I tried to feed it and give it water but every time I did, the bird would peck at me. Being a scared and slightly stupid child, I didn't ask my mother for help. I found the bird dead on the bottom of the cage from starvation and dehydration. They still paid me for taking care of it. I think her mom was happy to be rid of it...or maybe that thought just makes me feel better.

Last month, we cut down the trees in our yard in an attempt to start afresh. We had a huge blue spruce pine tree against our house. 

The final day for our blue spruce pine.

 When it came crashing down, so did a bird's nest. After the workers cut up the tree and removed the trunk and branches from the lawn, two baby birds were found. My daughter's sensitivity kicked in and she immediately pleaded with me to help her save the birds.

I thought of the yellow parakeet. Now's the time to redeem myself and help another bird live! No, I really thought of my daughter's desire to care for two of Heavenly Father's creatures. How could I not be sensitive to her sensitivity?!?

I looked up on the Internet how to care for baby birds. We made a nest for them in a plastic Easter basket. (The workers had already thrown out the nest.) We borrowed dog food from the neighbor and soaked it in water for an hour. Once it was soggy, we fed it to the birds with tweezers. We hung the basket in some tall bushes by our house. We hoped the mother would hear their cries and would come take care of them. I don't think that ended up happening, but they did survive the first day! She named the baby Eats-a-lot because he ate soooo much...every half hour. The older bird was named Sits-a-lot because he would always sit on the smaller bird. (All those episodes of Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman gave her the idea for  Native-American sounding names.)

The two birds were different ages. The older one is above the younger one.

So happy to be helping these little birdies!

The basket, hanging from the bushes near our porch. She was out there ALL the time. She will be an awesome mother!

After the first night, we discovered the older bird gone from the basket. Thinking optimistically, we consoled our crying daughter with the thought that it was big enough and strong enough to fly away, thanks to a healthy portion of soggy dog food. I was a bit upset with the older bird. I don't see how it didn't like the bright pink basket-nest we created! We also hoped it would stick around to help care for the little one. But alas, it was gone so efforts turned to saving Eats-a-lot.

The week turned cold and my daughter put a washcloth in the basket to help keep it warm. It slowly stopped eating and then one day it was no more. I had never seen such a heart broken little girl. She cried and cried. I cried and cried for her sorrow. (I'm starting to cry right now just thinking about it). I told her she would see Eats-a-lot again and he would thank her for trying to save him.

This photo is of a LIVE Eats-a-lot!

So, that is our baby bird adventure. The chance of the birds surviving was very minimal. However, I had to do all I could to help my daughter care for them. Hopefully, she will remember this experience and will feel love and care from her mother as I was sensitive to her sensitivity. 

I think of the quote from Benjamin Franklin: "And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without his notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without his aid?"

I know the quote is talking about the founding of America, but I like to think of the empire as my little family. God saw that baby robin fall, and likewise, I know he is aiding me in the raising of my family.

Today's Stick-to-it Tip: Give care and show support of those tender emotions inside of your children, for their feelings are precious and fragile, just like those baby birds.

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Let 'em Drive

Just an old worn-out Jeep
Rusty old floorboard, hot on my feet
A young girl two hands on the wheel
I can't replace the way it made me feel
And he'd say, turn it left and steer it right
Straighten up girl now you're doing just fine
Just a little valley by the river where we'd ride
But I was high on a mountain
When Daddy let me drive

Alan Jackson

Many people are PARANOID about their teenagers driving. They try to put off their children getting their driver license, OR once they do have it, the driving privilege is restricted. Heaven forbid you let your child drive the family vehicle for a road trip vacation!

For us, we've had the opposite view. Here are some random thoughts:

• Encourage (almost demand) them to get their permit as soon as possible. 

• Let them drive that first year, with permit in hand, as much as they can. The more prepared they are, the better. 

2010: Driving to California, one month from his 16th birthday

• "You're getting your license on your birthday!" (or as close to as possible)

• While under our watchful care (before graduation), give your children opportunities to drive in all kinds of scenarios...snow, freeway, night time, long distance...so they are as experienced as possible before leaving the nest.

• "Mom and Dad are paying for your driver's ed/training and your insurance. Thus, you will run errands and take people places as needed. No complaining!"
• "No, you may not have your own car until you're on your own and you can pay for it." It gives too much freedom!
•  "You get a speeding ticket, you're paying for it and for the increased insurance cost."
• "You had a wreck? You hit a deer? You swiped a pole? Learn from it and move on. Get behind the wheel and be more careful next time!!"
• "Slow Down, Slow Down, Slow Down"
• "The ride is supposed to be enjoyable for your passengers."
• The vehicle is a tool, not a toy. Our children always need permission to take one of OUR cars. We need to know where they're going and when they're going to be back. "Being open and honest will allow you to keep your driver license." (We've never had to take away driving privileges)

Just because we have a fairly open view to teenagers driving, doesn't mean I don't have my moments of paranoia. In our recent trip to California, I kept a watchful eye when one of the kids was driving. Even with my nervousness, our two oldest expertly navigated the freeways of Southern California and are PRO at passing the semis in the Nevada desert. We did put off letting our fifteen year old drive a stretch. However, we finally relented and it was good for her, and for me! How is she going to learn and gain experience if we don't give her the opportunity?

Somewhere on I-15 between Cedar City, UT and Scipio, UT

Lately, we went through the new adventure of a child buying her own car. She passed the test: graduated? (check), good reason? (check), own money? (check) enough to pay for gas, insurance and maintenance? (check)

Her Toyota Camry...Congratulations!

With each new stage, embrace it. Don't wish it to go away or pretend it's not upon you. Take the wheel and roll with it! In other words, Let 'em Drive!!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

The 11th Birthday Tradition

Eleven is Heaven, for you get to go...

...to dinner with those who love you just so!

Grandma and Grandpa, Mama and Dad...

A birthday full of memories so rad!

For my 11th birthday, my parents took me out to dinner with my grandparents. We went to the Hungry Hunter Restaurant and I thought I was soooo cool. With just the five of us, we dressed up and enjoyed a night on the town. I declared that night that I would no longer remove the potato from the skins. I was eleven now so I would start eating the skin of the baked potato - that is, if slathered in tons of butter, salt and pepper. My grandparents and parents gave me lots of attention, making it a very special day. I remember it well...and that's saying something.

My Eleventh Birthday Entry in the Scrapbook I made in High School. Too bad my parents were not in the photo!

It was such a special occasion that when my oldest daughter turned eleven, I wanted to start up the tradition with her parents and grandparents. So we did, and it's continued on to child #5! 

#5 - July, 2012

#3 - November, 2007

#2 - August, 2005

#1 - March, 2004

#1 - March, 2004

#4 - Reality Happened (Dead Camera Battery)

December, 2009

He's "Hugging his Grandma Baer"

2009 - Fun with Grandma with 1 - 8, (and a few extras)

I hope these experiences will be fond memories for my children, too. Turning eleven - a special day in our family!

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

"Pearles" of Wisdom - Part 2

PEARL (noun) something precious or choice; the finest example of  

anything: pearls of wisdom.  (www.dictionary.com)

Back in January, I posted the first part of "Pearles" of Wisdom. Life happened and I never finished this series of posts. I can't let these amazing bits of wisdom escape so I'm moving forward with part 2...

11. Sin will keep a man from prayer. Prayer will keep a man from sin.  

Amen! 

12.  Even on the right track, you will be run over if you just sit there.

Teach those children to be engaged in a good cause, moving forward, progressing, and hard working!

13. I make a list of things to do, and when at last my list is through, I check the items and review them, whereon I'm far too tired to do them. ~ Richard Armour

I'm definitely a list maker, but alas, my list is never through!!

14. Don't ask the Lord to guide your footsteps if you're not willing to move your feet.

I LOVE this. Be willing to do what the Lord guides you to do.

15. Six days a week the devil works, works overtime on Sunday;

And then he's ready once again to go to work on Monday;

So if all evil you would shun and keep your conscience level;

You must begin at early dawn and work just like the devil.

Yes, begin with prayer and scripture study to combat the buffetings and to handle the crazy day that always comes.

16. When you get to heaven, you will likely view many folks whose presence there will be a shock to you;

But keep it very quiet, do not even stare. Doubtless there'll be many folks surprised to see you there.

Judge not...plain and simple

17. Success comes in cans, not can'ts.

More to come on this one. My son's recent trip to DC comes to mind. So much to write about!!

18. A sabbath well spent brings a week of content and strength for the work of tomorrow;

But a Sabbath profane, whatever the gain, is a certain forerunner of sorrow.

Keep the Sabbath Day Holy. Lots of ideas for this one, too!

19. Your life's before you like a field of snow; Tread carefully, for every step will show.

I thought of Good, Better, Best when I read this quote. I want the best to show!

20. I eat my peas with honey; I've done it all my life.

It makes the peas taste funny, but it keeps them on my knife.

I don't like honey, but I do like peas. I'll eat my peas with butter, salt and pepper, thank you.

More "Pearles" of Wisdom to come...but until then, Stick-to-it!

Ahhhhh, Blessed Work-ation!

Ventura Highway....in the Sunshine! (And 70 degree weather) :)

Back from a week long vacation in Southern Cali. Fun times, good memories, but lots of work! Taking a family on a trip is a daunting task and requires a lot of advanced preparation and organization; not to mention cooperation from the entire family! Check back for my must haves on a family road trip, as well as some tricks and ideas for keeping children entertained while using their brains! Laundry and catch up work calls....

But here's a preview:

Ventura Pier

Beautiful Coronado!

San Diego LDS Temple

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!