My son turned sixteen a few months ago and went on his first date last weekend (preference dance). How did the time go by so quickly? I was very pleased with his conduct and the respect he showed the darling girl he went with. Her parents also commented that he was "a perfect gentlemen". How do our boys become that way? How is it that one day he's wearing a bow tie and opening the door for his date? Is it luck that he happened to pull out her chair at dinner or gently put his arm around her waist for pictures? Not a chance! Boys need to be taught from the get go how to respect girls and have proper manners, and encouraged to practice these courtesies as they are growing.
Many years ago, this same son (6 years old) kicked a neighbor girl because she walked on our lawn that was growing seed. The father of the girl was furious and came over and scolded him good. I didn't agree with the way this father handled the situation. I was quite upset, actually. But, I do remember talking with our child after he left about never hurting girls and treating them with respect. We also talked to him about the way this man handled the situation. A kinder, gentler approach towards others is a better way.
From Toddler to Teen
There are so many things we can do as parents to ingrain these principles into our boys. Here are a few thoughts:
1. Mothers - show lots of love and affection toward your boys. Give them hugs and kisses. Put your arm around them. Play and tease and have fun together. Positive interaction from a woman teaches them to give it right back.
2. Check in once in a while about how they're treating the girls. Discuss the behavior they see towards girls from other boys and talk about if that's right or wrong. Talk about ways they can show kindness and respect, not teasing, making fun, or mean/disrespectful behavior.
3. This might sound silly, but I've always taught my boys to treat dolls as if they were a real baby. I have never allowed them to throw or kick them, pretend to torture or pull off arms, or whatever boys think up. Treating a doll with respect is the first step towards loving a baby and developing a gentle side.
4. Liken the girls in their peer group to their own sisters. If they don't have sisters, liken them to cousins, a friend, Aunts, or you, their mother. Have your sons put their sister in the place of a girl at school and discuss if that's the way they'd want another boy to treat her.
5. Encourage polite behavior. A friend of mine waits at the door until her son opens it. This can begin from the time they are big enough to open a door on their own. I love this method and I've started using it myself. Teach them to hold the door for people behind them. Teach them the principle, "Ladies first". If they know what is expected, they can follow through. If they are unaware of the expectations, it is difficult to measure up.
6. Give opportunities to serve. The other day, my husband asked my 9 year old to walk his grandmother from the house to the car and then from the car to the house when we returned. He took her arm and was so gentle and sweet. I wish I had my camera! What a moment to teach respect for women!
7. Don't assume that they know proper table manners, how to ask a girl to dance, HOW to dance, to take her coat or pull out her chair. Make sure they really know!
8. Like I mentioned above...hurting girls is unacceptable! Our four year old is struggling with this concept right now. His sister teases him, his temper is short, so he hits her. We're trying to nip it in the bud NOW so he can learn to practice all of the above.
9. The father's influence of how he treats his wife, your sons' mother, is invaluable. Fathers, love and respect your wife that your sons will have an example to follow.
10. In our family, 16 is the age when they can begin dating, double or group dates. They have lots of time to practice the art of treating girls with respect.
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| Let's pray they remember all that has been taught. |
For a good book about raising boys, consider Dr. James Dobson's book, Bringing up Boys.
I hate the term, "Boys will be Boys". To me, it is derogatory. Boys can be good boys. Boys can be responsible boys. Boys can be respectful boys. Let's teach them to be so...
What a great list of things to do with a son. Thanks so much for sharing. I was thinking about all of the above in regards to David and helping him grow up treating his sisters well. I need to make sure he learns to treat them better than I did, with my excessive teasing of Susie. What a great example you are and what a great example Adam is. When he goes on his mission, David will be six years old, which is the same age Adam was when I went on my mission. I still remember the CD you sent me of all the kids talking and singing. Adam sang a primary song and bore his testimony. Hope my little guy will be just as sweet, kind, intelligent, and hard working. Thanks to you and Sam for being great mentors to your kids and to me too. Love you. DD
ReplyDeleteOK, and one other thing....
ReplyDeleteYesterday morning I was playing with blocks and transformers with the kids. We built a fort of mega blocks and put Optimus Prime in the middle to defend the fort. He was getting attacked by other toys including a small doll that happened to be lying around in the living room. I got into it and had Optimus Prime shooting at the baby doll. Then I remembered your post. I quickly repented in front of the kids and said we need to take care of our babies. We put the baby's outfit on then put her in the fort so Optimus Prime could take care of her and protect her from the attack. All because I read your blog post the day before. DD