Train your child in the way she should go

Your toddler is acting up in church. She is crying or yelling every other minute. Time to take her out because she's disturbing the meeting. You leave the room and find yourself in the foyer or hallway. What do you do?

A. You're so tired of wrestling with a grumpy child so you put her down to get out the wiggles (which usually results in running up and down the hallway or wrapping herself up in the window drapes).

B. You continue to hold your child and calm her down until she is ready to go back into the meeting. 

One approach teaches the child to act up in church, in a meeting, a performance or other quiet setting so she can leave the event and play. The other approach teaches the child that if she acts up, she'll be taken out and held, until she is ready to go back in and behave.

Raising children could also be called training children. Our children come to us with a pure, open mind, ready to be taught and TRAINED. Your child CAN learn to sit through church. Your child CAN learn to be respectful. Your child CAN learn to say please and thank you when they're just learning to talk. It takes work, dedication and CONSISTENCY. 

Let's go back to the church service example above, before your child has the meltdown and needs to leave. She probably has some coloring to do or some little toys to play with. You may have a water bottle or some snacks to help entertain. (I always save the food for the last resort!) She has the opportunity to sit with Mom or move to Dad. She can choose to sit with an older brother or sister. She has options! Now, transport you and your child to the foyer where she's sitting on your lap on a chair or she's in your arms standing up. She doesn't have any options. What child would like to sit quietly on your lap with a book, a small doll or a few plastic animals to keep her busy rather than sitting quietly on your lap with NOTHING to do? I think it's obvious. The key is training children to realize that it's much more fun to be in church with options available to them than to be restricted. You're giving them two choices...which one will it be? Don't let them make the rules; you're the parent. You set the boundaries and the expectations.

This takes practice and consistency. Keep working on it. You may need to take your child out several times but don't give in. Stick-to-it and eventually, the amount of times you have to leave the church service will decrease until you don't have to leave anymore.

Another trick that works well is leave the toys, snacks and entertainment in your bag until a certain point. First, this trains your children to sit quietly and listen, for a specified time. The time increases as they get older until eventually, they can sit through church without any distractions. They also learn when the activities will come out which develops patience. Secondly, after sitting for a while, they are so grateful for something to do that the remainder of the meeting goes by faster and they are entertained during the usual "meltdown time". Like I've said before, encourage delayed appreciation and not instant gratification.

Teaching and encouraging proper behavior can be fun! There are so many TOOLS available to help you out! A friend of mine has developed some amazing quiet books and quiet toys, perfect for teaching AND entertaining during those settings that require quiet times. I LOVE the Let's Count 1-2-3 Play Bag. All of the quiet books zip closed so you don't need to worry about pieces falling out. They also replace lost pieces! Check it out...www.mygrowingseason.com

Who your child becomes is largely determined by us as parents, probably more than we think. Train your child in the way she should go...let's hope it's NOT a free for all in the church foyer.

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!