Learning from a "Mean Mama"

In our home, we get many requests by our teenagers to do things with their friends, especially on the weekend. We try to accommodate as much as possible; they do so much to help out at home. It is not uncommon for our teenagers to be babysitting or running errands or doing chores, etc. Just because they're busy teenagers doesn't mean that they get out of household responsibilities, for they're part of our home and family, too. But I digress...

Back to requests with friends. I've had many conversations with other mothers about a curfew. How do you handle the curfew issue? When is your child's curfew? What is your punishment for breaking curfew? Etc. Etc. We found an answer to our family's needs after talking with a friend of mine (She's one of those "mean Mama's") who is about five years ahead of us. They don't believe in a "curfew" as the world generally defines it. They don't tell their children, "Your curfew is 11PM every night - do whatever you want but you have to be home by 11." No, no. They define the curfew each time the child sets foot out the door. They hear about the event and ask, "When are you going to be home?" If their timing is reasonable, they go for it. If not, they discuss it and come to an agreement. 

I love this and we've implemented it in our home. Here are some examples:

It's prom night. My child wants to go to dinner, go to the dance and have ice cream at so and so's home until 1 AM. Sure...it's a very special occasion, there is structure and purpose. Great - see you at 1 AM, but, you better be home at 1:00!!

Speaking of Prom Night...

It's a Saturday night. Some friends want to go to a movie and out for a hamburger. They leave at 6:30 PM. Movie and a hamburger is a three to four hour event, depending on details. So, having a curfew that day of Midnight or 1 AM is ridiculous. Too much time for trouble and possible no good. Be home at 10:30? Perfect!


Last night, my oldest son helped out with the little people while Mom and all the older kids were gone. He had some plans with friends that he put off to help his Dad. At 9:00 he left and asked if he could be home at 11:30. Sure - thanks for all of your help and hard work! Have Fun!!!

Give us the details of your event and come up with a realistic time to be home. Approve it with Mom and Dad and be home on time. Have Fun! It's a great plan. We know where they are, they know when to be home, we feel comfortable with the time frame and the plans...they feel like they're making the decision about when is realistic to be home.

Definition of a "Mean Mama": I'll save that for another day. But if you're not home on time, I'm out looking for you...

More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!