Ever have one of those days where a certain child is pushing every button there is??? One of those days was last Sunday when my mother was over for dinner. (Happy Anniversary, Mom!!) I was having a particularly challenging afternoon with my ten year old and of course, she was witness to it. Do they plan to act up when Grandma is over? Later in the evening, when I checked my email, I found the following encouragement:
"Last night while trying to fall asleep I thought about the problems you seem to be having. My policy is to keep my mouth shut but I just thought about a couple of things that I have heard regarding troubled relationships. Being a middle child is difficult. You either stay invisible and don't make waves or you cry for attention. Any kind, even if it is negative, is better than nothing. Could he have some problems with needing attention? One of dad's favorite mantras was "don't sweat the small stuff" and we kind of used that when dealing with you kids. We would save the angst for big issues. I remember what I think was my last big problem with your brother. He was around 14 or 15. He blew up about something and I got mad at him and he ran down the stairs. I ran after him and just held him while we both cried. I can't remember the problem but I do remember still the power in just holding and loving this child. One other thought that I've heard is the most unlovable person is the one who needs the most love. And I think the touch is very powerful in helping with problems. In fact I think that couples are supposed to hold hands or have touch as they are discussing problems. He is a great kid. He is kind of an independent spirit and will probably continue to test you. But as he becomes a teenager it will be more difficult than it is now if your relationship is troubled. You are doing such a super job with your kids. Hang in there.
Love you, Mom
PS...I also forgot to say that maybe there is something about 10 year-old boys. I remember Dad and I one night lamenting about your brother (he was 10) and commenting that he was the child we were the most worried about. And he turned out great."
Mom is the type of Grandma who observes and prays. She rarely steps into her children's A-ffairs which has kept a healthy relationship with all her children, their spouses and grandchildren. However, this advice was timely and very appreciated. I have applied this principle (not that I hadn't thought about it before...it was just a great reminder) and have noticed a big difference.
When children are acting up and pushing those buttons, hug them, spend time with them, give them some extra attention and show interest in their interests. Yesterday, my son asked me to sew on the new patches that he received at the latest Cub Scout Pack Meeting. It wasn't a great time for this activity, but then, when is it? So, I dropped what I was doing and spent 45 minutes sewing patches, with plenty of needle pokes along the way. He sat with me the entire time, holding the remaining patches and watching. He felt loved and cared for, and the rest of the day was fabulous...no issues, power struggles, or frustration. He has also wanted to download a computer game for some time. We spent the time to get it setup for him so he could have that "privilege" when his responsibilities were taken care of. Over the last few days he has quickly completed his chores and other summertime activities, resulting in plenty of privileges during the day.
Thanks, Mom, for the reminder that negative behavior, most of the time, is a shout-out for some positive attention. Keep Stickin'-to-it, Mama!
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| Helping to Guide 26 Stick-to-it "Grand" Kids |
More to Come...but until then, Stick-to-it!
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